#how all her life people have been keeping important information from her bc they didn't think she would understand

[the-cookie-of-doom]

surreal moments in life: My grandma is obsessed with bitcoin, and she thinks Elon Musk is the second coming. I knew what bitcoin was like 10 years ago thanks to youtube videos about ~the dark web~, ergo, I thought that shit was illegal. When I was 15 and heard 2 guys in business suits discussing their bitcoin in a Starbucks, I genuinely thought they might be mafia. I was side-eying them the whole time like they were talking about massive drug deals. Yet despite this, once again thinking it was illegal, once again being 15, and most importantly, having no idea how much it would blow up 10 years later: my grandma holds a legitimate grudge against me for not telling her about it all those years ago. Genuinely what the fuck.

[bumblebeehug]

What do you think is the contents of Jude's gifts to Lucy? Any headcanons?

i'm a firm believer that he gifted her his only belongings from the Heartfilia-estate, and that the only things he brought were items from when Layla was alive. Jude was harsh, unfair, neglectant etc, but even though he wasn't a good father, i'd like to think he was a really great husband. after all, he was the one who was married into the Heartfilia name, not Layla. so when the company went down, he allowed for the entire estate, everything he owned, to be confiscated - everything but some keepsakings he kept from Layla: i'm thinking diaries, her favourite books, some family heirlooms, and other small but meaningfull trinkets.

(Longgggg analysis of their relationship below the cut)

I also think that Jude always meant to go through these things with Lucy. I think he had a flighty dream to reconcile with her, even if he only came to talk to her after he needed to loan money from her, even after sending Phantom Lord after her so he could marry her off to a wealthy business partner. Because despite all of the terrible things he had done, he wanted her to know all about the amazing mother she had. He wanted to show Lucy the exact shade of pink that was Layla's favourite (i'm bringing Nalu in here though bc coincidentally Layla's favourite shade of pink is the exact shade of Natsu's hair), he wanted to go to the market and point out the flowers she liked the most, he wanted to tell Lucy about all of their anecdotes, because after many years of lonliness, and after some time being unemployed, he had realised that he wanted Layla's image to be strong in Lucy's memories.

Then Jude would hear about the Tenrou accident, and though he wanted to believe that Lucy would pull through, he understood that it was unlikely. His daughter was dead, and he had been the worst father imaginable. His guilt was chewing through his sanity, but this time he decided to do something about it. He knew he might never get the actual chance to repair the relationship between him and Lucy, but the only way for him to keep going, was to repair it despite her not being there. So he, an old business man, created a new business, just so he could fund both his and his dead daughter's life. I don't think he ever made any extreme sums with the new company - he could pay for his own life, the monthly rent of Lucy's flat, and a bi-monthly cleaning of it, in case she came back. The cleaning was mainly for Jude's sake, since that was the way he could keep hope that she would come back, any time he visited.

He never earned enough money to live completely comfortable again - he often ended up grabbing free meals whenever he could, and if the rent at one place got too high, he didn't shy away from living on the streets until something reasonable came up again. He found ways to wash up and keep clean, and he kept his income, but he had it tough economically. he never lived in Lucy's flat either though, and he never even considered selling it.

When Lucy's birthday came around, he started writing letters. They contained all of the information about Layla that he could remember, which ended up being way more than he had anticipated. But he wrote the letters, and now, whenever he wasn't working, he was writing. As he wrote, he noticed that the letters started having matching items - in one he would mention a heirloom that had bothered Layla because of how hideous it was (and then he'd write about the stories of the people who had owned this heirloom and why it was important for the Heartfilia women to have), and another would be about him praising his wife's clothing style, and then there would be a package with some of her dresses in it.

Then the company started pulling its own weight and more, and he started putting away money for Lucy's landlady. First he just wanted to give the lady some cash so she could store the gifts until Lucy came back (he was aware that it was an if, and not when, but this was his way of healing, he argued), but then, as the company grew, he realised that he could pay Lucy's rent beforehand. Before he knew it, he was paying almost double of the cost of Lucy's rent, just so that the landlady could keep the apartment empty.

I don't think Jude ever felt like he had redeemed himself. I'm pretty sure he spent his last years deep in regret, and that he struggled with guilt and depression from both Layla's and Lucy's deaths - after all, he died not knowing that Lucy survived Tenrou. I've never loved Jude either - I think there's a limit to how much you should be allowed to put your child through, and Jude crossed that line not long after Layla died. He made insanely bad choices again and again regarding Lucy, and I don't think Lucy ever needed to forgive him.

But I think she did forgive him. I believe she sometimes finds resentment lingering in her memories that contain him, but that she reminds herself that his life wasn't a pretty one either. I think she's aware of the fact that he struggled on so many planes (mentally, socially) and that she's decided to let his image rest - she'll never go out of her way to defend him if his name is getting thrown around, but she'll never start a conversation just to bash on her late father. I think that she'll let him seem nice when her children hears about him, and she'll let the kids learn the full truth once they're old enough.

And lastly, I think she'll always be thankful of the gifts he gave her, and that she's greatful that he never stopped believeing that she was alive, and that he gave her such wonderful stories about her mother.

[groovebunker]

wait please share what you think future cc would look like

OK so i've been ruminating on this a lot bc i've been writing future fic and also looking at pictures of lauren as she's got older and like....as g-d damn fine as lauren is now, that's not what cc looks like in my head.

i think she's let herself age differently in la to the way she would have in new york bc while she's working on higher profile things, she's actually more anonymous bc she's removed herself from that high society expectation.

i always loved her with longer hair, so i think she keeps it a bit longer. i've never cared much for canon, so while i know she technically bleaches her hair, i refuse to believe it, and i think there are streaks of silver coming through as she gets older. less makeup, for sure - i think there's a real contrast in how fran finds aging in la to how cc finds it and i think it helps cc be a lot softer on herself. older fran fine is just....fran drescher to me - she's still very vain (affectionate) and (in the fic) this is compounded by max being an asshole. older cc doesn't need the armour of her looks as much anymore - she wields real power now and her face doesn't matter so much. her eyesight is definitely getting worse, so she definitely wears glasses more (this is just bc cc is hot in glasses) and feels less self conscious about that. which is not to say she doesn't feel it at all - she's still a woman of a certain age, in los angeles, and there are still pressures. i feel like she definitely works out to keep herself a certain size/shape and like, obvs, she's still tall as hell. but (this whole thing is so informed by my fic, i'm sorry) she knows fran likes the way she looks and she doesn't necessarily care as much about what other people think now she's made herself a new life.

i don't think her work wardrobe changes much - lots of suits, maybe a bit more colour (less bc of the area, more just bc the fashions change). mom outfits confound her for sure - what do you mean she needs clothes that let her get in the sandpit or save ellie when she's climbed too high on the jungle gym? eventually, she settles into very well tailored jeans and button up shirts and loafers on the weekends - think old money east coast chic - because it's easier to run after a toddler (fran is relatively feral about this, for obvious reasons). she never gets to a point where she's truly relaxed about her clothes bc they've always been a shield for her, but she does find a good balance.

the long and short of it is that i think an older cc in la is far more relaxed than she was in new york and that shows in the way she looks. there's still a raw power there, but she's almost cultivating that from not giving as much of a fuck about what people think, and she's still tall and imposing and absolutely fucking gorgeous, but there's also a softness to her that we didn't see in the show, because she's slowly letting her walls down as (a) she grows into being a parent and (b) falls deeper and deeper in love with a woman who loves her back (there's something important about it being a woman). i recognise that this is more headcanoning again - i wish i could draw and also, i cannot think of famous women who (in my head) look like my older cc but i hope this gives at least a vibe.

[erosjournal]

hi i have an idea and if yall wanna hear pls do.

so, me and my friend were talking and talked abt what could've made the heros of olympus series better. mind you, we r now high schoolers, we first read the series in middle school, like 6th grade. also, they are aro/ace (ish, still questioning) and i like to write + i love valgrace.

(BTW IM DOING THE KEEP READING THING BC ITS LONG AND ID FEEL BAD IF U HAD TO READ ALL THAT WITHOUT IT)

so one of the things we decided would've made it more interesting was if piper and jason never ended up together, like at all. ik im a hardcore valgrace shipper, but my friend isn't and we agreed mutually that this didn't make much sense. their whole relationship was built on false memories and one quest, piper pining over him the whole time. we think that also would've enhanced pipers destiny as an aphrodite kid. an aphrodite kid who never dated in the most "important" part of her life, the main part we follow. an aphrodite kid who couldn't get the boy she'd loved. if she'd never dated, it could've really brought out more of the "aphrodite" part of her identity. i'm bad at explaining, but trust. it makes sense in my head. plus, it could show how she's this aphrodite kid who actually is a lesbian yall. which could've been a rlly interesting aspect, maybe some comphet.

one more thing is that whenever jason talks about piper, as his girlfriend, he comments on her physical aspects. as her platonic friend, he comments on her mind. idk if that makes sense, but when reading it, it felt more like how he'd compliment leo, or frank, or someone who was "just a friend".

plus, it feels weird that all of their friends are dating, maybe it could've caused peer pressure? like how leo felt, always being "7th wheel" (idk i came up with that on the spot)

the next thing was if leo and calypso never fell in love. as said before, im a valgrace shipper and they aren't, but we both thought this was an awkward and toxic relationship. the reason why, i'll get into later, but first i wanna talk about why it could've been better in the series.

we think that it could've been more impactful for calypso's side of the story. yes, i know calypso wasn't a great person in mythology, but we have to think of this from both characters perspectives. this is how my friend put it:

it could've been more impactful for calypso since it would've had an ending that was going against the god's curse of her falling in love with everyone on the island, but they couldn't leave. it would've been more interesting of the one person who did save her, was someone she wasn't in love with. the one person she didn't fall for was the person who actually came back for her.

that would've really made things more interesting for her story.

for leo's side, a (not important, but very hugely stated) part of his character is falling for people as a coping mechanism. idk the quote, but sometime in TLH, he talks about how he falls for people who are impossibly out of his league. ok, maybe this doesn't count as a coping mechanism, but it seems to be. sort of like attachment issues, always on the run since the people who did care about him died/left.

i think that it seems wrong (for rick to write, they could never make me hate you leo... with exceptions) for leo to fall for a girl who was "destined" to fall for him anyways. my poor boy. he'd gone through so much yall :(

and to the point of how caleo is sort of toxic, i haven't read much of toa, but i do find that they both cross boundaries.

for example, calling each other names they don't like. i find it VERY disrespectful for leo to call calypso "mamacita". i don't like her, but all girls deserve respect. she also states how she's told him not to call her that, and by the way he reacts, he knows.

similarly to calypso calling leo "leonidas". i don't have much information on this, but i'll link a tumblr post i read on this.

tumblr post on calypso being her own person (extra, not related to before but some other thing to read)

tumblr post on the name thing (read the whole thing, and check out some of the other reblogs, some are interesting, some are just like "f calypso", so just be careful)

one thing, i think i don't like calypso much, but i will not hate her till 1. i've done more research and 2. have more evidence why. i feel it unfair, and i know many people don't like her. i'm also incredibly biased towards leo, so yeah. but, i will give her the chance till i have more information on the subject.

on that note, i don't like caleo. i quite hate it. but for good reason, from what i've talked about. it was just too forced and toxic, and not good overall. maybe it could've been if it was written different, but i hope u understand where i am coming from. ALSO! I AM NOT A HATER BC I LIKE VALGRACE, IF YOU READ ANY OF THIS YOU'D KNOW THAT. im just saying, caleo could've just stayed platonic. just read it all of this + maybe the other blogs before commenting.

MAYBE I'LL WRITE MORE, BU T THX FOR READING

[arcinblade3]

A platonic soulmate

Literally not a single soul might see this post, but that doesn't make it any less important for me to make. Also I am terrible at being concise, so bear with me if you are of the once-in-a-blue-moon person interested in me talking about something important to me.

This is a story about a woman named Cecilia, and how she saved my life. Cecilia is about five years my senior, and it is over the course of three or so years that she almost single-handedly has been the crux behind most of the changes in my life that has made me the person i am today.

Cue me, late 2021. 20 years old:

At the time, i was not doing great. I was in a relationship that was the result of a bad decision, i.e. me panicking during our high school graduation and confessing that I had a crush on the person because I thought they were pretty cool and at the time was under the impression that I'd never see them again if I didn't get into a relationship with them. Despite very much liking the person (we are still good friends to this day!), we were never meant to last, as we shared practically zero interests, and were both autistic and filled with anxiety going in vastly different directions.

Furthermore, I was at university studying as a Software Engineer, an education I had pressured myself into, and despite making good friends in my 1st semester, I very quickly realized that I was reaching the limit in terms of how long I would be able to keep up with the ever-increasing complexity mathematics and programming.

To this end, despite being surrounded by people that cared about me, I was an expert in alienating myself bc I didn't want to be a bother to the ones I liked, and at the time, was at best a nuisance for my roommates (a couple that I had known from before they were dating), which only further spiraled me into my own self-loathing.

Early 2022 was probably one of the lowest points of my life, which no doubt led to my girlfriend breaking up with me later that year, and I had snapped, my mental state in shambles. I started heavily drinking, first privately in shame, but eventually in a sad state of just sitting in the living room half-naked in the morning chugging beer, trying to find even just the smallest amount of solace in the fact that I could figure out how to do anything in my life, whether it was school, friends, health, or even just basic adult chores (which I was never taught bc my mom raised me incredibly spoiled, being her youngest and only stay-at-home child for 8 years).

I was at best a near-empty husk of a person, at worst a dead man walking. Waiting until I got killed because I thought myself too cowardly to commit to doing it myself.

Enter the topic of this post, that I had way too much background information on, a woman named Cecilia. She was a classmate of my roommate studying sociology, and was part of her research group, which frequently came to visit our apartment to do work on their semester project. I had really not thought much about any of the people my roommate brought home, they were just added noise that I would filter out as I had my daily string of panic attacks about my life, after all.

But then, on one day that they were writing their project, I had come into the living room to grab a beer, around 9:30 in the morning, and sat my shirtless, sad ass onto the couch to lay back and decompose. Cue one of the first sentences me and Cecilia had ever spoke, and one that we still go by to this day:

"Oh no way bitch, you are NOT drinking alone at this time of day."

She said in the most jovial of tones, as she paused her involvement in the groupwork, grabbed a beer and leaped over the couch to sit next to me. A gesture of solidarity such as that, towards a person she had barely even met, was mind-boggling to me. In hindsight, my roommate had probably mentioned me in idle small-talk amongst the group, seeing as I was in as bad of a state as I was, so that may have been the core of why she did so. But regardless of the reason, she jumped immediately at the opportunity to talk with me, level-headed and clearly, about things that I had never considered to be allowed topics of conversation with a real-life, at best acquaintance.

But as she extended the olive branch, I took it. We ended up becoming drinking buddies for a time, and just for that initial gesture, I had become infatuated with her. Not just from her fiery, brutally honest, mature and hilarious personality, but also that she was precisely my type; a muscular, androgynous woman with a big smile. On my part, I absolutely had gone into the friendship with ulterior motives, not necessarily with sole intent of dating her, but rather the hope that I'd end up getting closer to her in that regard, which looking back at was an utter pipe dream, most of all because I was the sad sack that I had described earlier.

And it was because of this utter infatuation (that she 100% saw through but never brought up until I did) that I took everything she said to heart, in a gambit almost child-like, with the thought of "If I match her on everything, surely she must reciprocate from how much we're *clearly* alike." For every drink we had together, I voiced concerns about my life, we had increasingly deep conversations about life where we got to know each other more and more, and I felt that connection grow more and more every time. Every innocuous comment she made about something related to me, I'd take to heart:

I started wearing my glasses rather than contacts because she saw me wearing the glasses once and said I looked cute.

I dressed more in the style of dark academia, something she mentioned suited my vibe.

I began seeing one of my faraway friends more because she met him at a party and mentioned how fun he was.

And most importantly of all, one phrase she uttered, almost just in passing as we were watering my roommates' balcony garden, ended up changing practically my entire worldview: "I know what depression is like, so I have nothing ill to say about someone going through anything like it. The point at which I get annoyed or angry with the person, is the point at which they stop trying, and stop wanting to even help themselves."

This phrase is one of the most important ones of its kind to my worldview at present. I'll keep stumbling and falling, but no matter how bad I'm doing, I can reach out. I may not succeed, but I can keep attempting to better myself. To quote a particular youtube creator:

"It's easy to forget yourself. I've been there many times, and each time, the pit is as empty and bottomless as it was before. In my paralysis, it is because of the people closest to me that I can remind myself that I CAN climb out of it."

I initially wanted to pursue something romantic with this woman. But when she said this, I realized: My want for wanting to keep her around as "merely" someone I care about was much more important than trying to pursue something unrealistic by attempting to become something I'm not. And I began re-evaluating myself. Why did I hate myself? What is the causes? And what can I do about it? My fear of losing her as a friend because of stagnating in my fruitless attempt to become some kind of "perfect partner" to someone that very much did not see me in this way, paved the way for me to start improving myself, not so that she'd see me as potential boyfriend material, but so I could be proud of the person that she chose to be friends with.

I started working out, because of my poor self-image. I dropped out of the bachelor that made me miserable. I stopped doing hobbies out of obligation, but rather because I enjoyed them. Rebuilding myself piece by piece to put a person into the lifeless husk that I had become.

And I began looking at our conversations differently, engaging with them differently, not as a glorified "yes-man", but as someone who had actual conversations with disagreements and agreements alike, jokes and talks about any topic that I could think of, because this woman truly didn't judge me based on the things I said, despite them being depressing, disturbing, or just uncomfortable to most other people I talked to in my life.

Since then, our bond has only gotten better. I never denied myself the very strong physical attraction to her, but had come to see it as nowhere near the most important attraction that I have about her. That is, as my best friend. The one who practically saved me from myself, by doing nothing other than using the 5 more years of experience with her own broken brain to coach me into becoming my own person, without reacting any kind of "violently" to the fact that I had entered our friendship partly with the intent of pursuing something romantic with her. Because she made it very clear that she didn't want that. And as she did, once that pipe dream fell away, my affection towards her only deepened, as that of a confidant, a friend, a supporter, and one that I supported myself. And of course, as she had seen me getting better and better, she wasted no time telling me how proud she was of every step that I had taken towards climbing out of the pit. I was her confidant, friend and supporter now as well, there to listen when she had family or relationship issues.

At some point in the middle of all of this, we had even started a brief sexual relationship. And we were both very much open about the fact that we were doing it as homies that were horny and wanted to feel good. Shortly after that, she got her first girlfriend, and figured out from there that she was not in fact bisexual, but fully lesbian, which once again cemented the idea that despite my "chances" being even more out of reach, it changed nothing about our relationship.

I am now studying sociology, something she is now doing her masters in. I have my own apartment which is within a 2 minute walk of her, two partners that I adore, a stronger relationship with almost all of my friends, and have practically changed my view on my entire life over the course of our friendship.

And all of this has most of all taught me that a single person is enough to change a life so fundamentally that when I see a glimpse of the person I was back then, they are honestly unrecognizable in comparison. All because of what she instilled in me. Of course, all of it has only been magnified by the support I have gotten from all of the other people that are close to me, but the only reason that I have been able to get that support, is because of that one phrase that she uttered while we were watering plants.

You CAN change.

You CAN alter your situation.

And if you're lucky enough, you can find your soulmate, one not identical to you, but your perfect complement. The yin to your yang, so to speak. And this soulmate is not measured by any form of romantic compatibility. Merely the compatibility of two wholes, forming a beautiful combination of love for one another.

I adore this woman with all of my heart. She is currently in a new relationship that she won't stop gushing about, and every word she spouts that displays her happiness, my heart sings in response, and I feel rejuvenated by the sheer joy that her own joy brings me.

My interaction with her yesterday fueled my want for writing this novel. I was having a terrible day, tinnitus flaring while I had a meeting with my guidance counselor and had pretty mundane group work that lasted until dinnertime.

Cecilia texted me if I needed something from the store. She was out shopping, and ended up buying me some bread that I was going to pick up once I was headed home. When I come pick it up though, here she is, coincidentally matching my outfit, and vibing with my girlfriend, inviting me in for dinner and a glass of wine, competing with her dog in her excitement to see me. Turns out, she had also bought me oven mittens, after she came over last week to steal my larger kitchen to cook, only to realize that I didn't own any.

And this woman, who has been notorious in our friend group for how vocal she is about despising having her picture taken, gave her phone to my girlfriend, and asked to take a picture of us together. And all I can say is...

Get you someone who looks at you like a fruity man and a lesbian woman look at each other.

[bhaalsdeepbat]

some family stuff i need to ramble about because i'm at a loss on what to do about it

my sister's dad keeps texting me periodically. It used to be we just got the birthday text, but he's been trying to get ahold of me. Idk if he's trying to find out about my sister - that side of the family often uses me to try and gleam information about her. i was not aware of it as a child, i'm aware of it now and am very good at being a gray rock to both sides of our family when it comes to that.

like i'm in the middle of something between her, my mom & my grandma rn and I'm very good at making sure nothing gets to my grandma, either. so, all of this is to say, these people should know I'm very good at playing dumb.

anyways, sister's dad thinks he's my dad, it doesn't matter here that I'm not biologically his bc I was raised under that impression and he's still under that impression.

we have issues with him. when we were younger, he was NOT a good caretaker. He wanted to party when he had us, we were exposed to shit and situations we should not have, but he cleaned up as our two younger sisters were born. Shortly after the youngest was born, my stepdad was stationed in another state. My oldest sister and I left with our mom, the other two sisters stayed behind with my sister's bio dad (they had different moms).

this context is important bc at this point, my sister's dad completely dropped us. logically, I KNOW it was hard. literally right after the family was broken apart, my grandma on his side of the family had her cancer come back in full force and she deteriorated VERY quickly over the course of year. He never called us. He didn't try to see us. We spoke to him on birthdays (he only called US if it was our birthday, and he didn't even do that every year). We called HIM on holidays, and sometimes couldn't even get ahold of him. if we visited my maternal grandparents, my maternal grandfather was the one who would tell my sister's dad we were visiting and arrange for him to come see us.

which was so fucked up !! bc he'd swoop in, shower us with love and all these promises, then we'd leave and suddenly back to radio silence.

so. again. logically i know he was struggling. He was separated from his kids and then lost his mother. That side of the family is Russian. My sister's dad is first gen on her side. My grandma was a huge part of our lives. she helped my mom clean the house, she watched my older sister, and we lived with her for a little while. losing her was about as life-shattering as losing my mom will be for me.

but we were just kids. and it hurt. and it still hurts. i'm 30 and just now can kinda think about it all without disturbing the scabbed over wound and allowing the echo of that pain to ring. but what the fuck am i to do. i understand how hard it was, but we were just kids.

but i'm an adult now, and i understand.

[familyagrestefanblog]

The seating case is extremely frustrating the way it was handled and especially how Marinette stans act about it.

As a person who's almost always 5 minutes late to school / work, let me say that it is a clear-cut case of too fucking bad. This is why I try to keep it down to 5 minutes because it's a time frame that can still be tolerated (my teachers know my background which helps) and I'm not missing too much yet. Because all that I miss is still on ME (though I'm always on time when it's truly important). I know that and don't expect anything else, even if it sometimes sucks in cases like this.

Sometimes my friends save a seat for me, but other times they don't or it couldn't be done. I adjust to the situation once I'm there because in the end, I know that I'm the one who was late and the world doesn't start and end with me and my presence.

In Marinette’s case, one even has to mention that Alya tried contacting her which is already very considered of her and I'm honestly very bothered by how Marinette stans just disregard that and take it for granted bc "it's a given" cause apparently it's Alya's job as Marinette's best friend to be her baby sitter 24/ 7 in life, regarding pretty much EVERYTHING now.

Alya had every right to sit next to her boyfriend, she doesn't need Marinette's permission first. Especially not when Marinette is not disliked by the rest of the class. Marinette wasn't forced to sit next to Chloé either or left forgotten and alone in a class she has no connections to anyone yet.

Funny, that complaint would actually apply to Lila in the end. Yes, she fucked herself over by saying that her disability isn't there anymore so she can sit in the back with Adrien (who then left), but I would actually make the argument that Bustier made a very questionable teaching decision by leaving the new student to sit alone in the back when her classmates have already long befriended each other which makes it more difficult for a new kid to become part of the class.

Something that was even brought up in "Revelation" in Lila's speech before she runs out of the class room. Ironically, she was right for bringing that up, that was a realistic consequence of Bustier leaving the new student all by herself in the back, especially when there is already tention between her and the very well-liked class representative.

But I'm not seeing anyone complain about that when Marinette stans go on about how awful Mlls Bustier is. Hmmm. I fucking wonder why?

But back on track.

Yes, it's shit that Marinette had to then sit at the back of the class alone, but someone simply HAD to. It's not like the others forbit her from taking the free seat next to them, someone HAS to sit there by default. In the end it was Lila stuck there and no one minds that, but heaven help us when it's Marinette, huh?

Even Adrien sitting there, no one hating Chameleon would have cared about that. It would then have been all about "poor Marinette being forced to sit next to Lila". The constellation literally doesn't matter, people just take issue with Marinette not having been treated as the most important person in the room by default, that's all.

As op said, the seat rearrangements were done because the class teacher was informed that the new student (who was only there for 1 day prior) has a disability and then everyone else took the chance to switch around, too.

Marinette has no special needs (that Bustier and everyone else were officially made aware of). She isn't owed a special treatment and Mlls Bustier was 100% in the right for bringing that point up towards Marinette.

By all means, Marinette already came in too late and then proceeded to make a drama out of having to sit in the back. Mind you, Marinette only had a problem with HERSELF having to sit alone in the back. Not that a seat with both negative factors combined exist at all (in the back + alone).

She didn't ask her friends if they wanna switch or if someone wants to join her to balance out one disadvantage of the seating. She directly asked Mlls Bustier why it has to be HER. That was what she cared about.

And that the disabled new girl doesn't get the special treatment Marinette wants so she immediately claimed that it's a lie with no proof whatsoever.

Marinette was extremely lucky that her ass-pull turned out to be true because even liars can have genuine disabilities. I would even make the argument that much more often than not will it be the case that a massive liar has at least ONE big problem that caused the lying habit to develop this way in the first place (Marinette herself for example, not that anyone were ever allowed to call her out on being a liar even if it would elevate her as a main character greatly in terms of realism whne it comes to mental health and for example ADHD/ADD representation (prior to "Derision" retcons))

But looking at the case from an outsider perspective: Marinette acted incredibly self-centered and inconsiderate because all she cared about was that SHE, her feelings, and preferences are being considered.

But she would have Bustier make anyone else get her bad seat instead without thinking about it twice, as long as it isn't herself and Lila doesn't get to "steal Adrien from Marinette".

So, yeah, why is Marinette OWED the royal treatment and everyone's consideration, if Marinette herself isn't taking anyone else into consideration in any of this?

Why does Alya not get to choose to sit next to her boyfriend? Why are everyone else's seating preferences invalid because Marinette personally doesn't like her deal in it as person who came in last and didn't check her phone? And why does somebody - ANYONE ELSE, Marinette didn't care - need to be force by the teacher to get the shitty seat instead of her?

Why are the others awful people for not automatically feeling obligated to take on the shitty deals themselves so Marinette can always get whatever she wants?

Doesn't seem FAIR, now does it?

Marinette shouldn't have been mad at Lila in Lila's debut episode... I mean she should have been annoyed especially for the lies, but who she Should have been mad at was Alya... Alya who mad a design for Marinette not even moving herself

(1) killer queen | gcmv | gmv | oc backstory | ⚠️;; blood - YouTube

(A Chloe song for your troubles)

I mean Lila's first debut was back in Season 1 with Volpina, not Chameleon but that said.

The whole changing the seats thing? Honestly? Too fucking bad.

Marinette does not deserve special treatment. Would it have been nice to wait for her before everyone shuffles to have her give input? Yeah sure.

But the initial switch was because they were trying to accomodate another student's disability. And everyone went 'hey since we're at it, let's shuffle around' and chose to sit next to people they wanted to.

Marinette, unfortunately, was incredibly late to class and shows up far after all of this has been decided. Would it have been nice if they waited? Yeah. But were they expected to just sit around doing jack all because how dare they make a decision without Marinette present don't you know she is the god of this world and what she says goes she has to be involved in this decision and if she doesn't approve then too fucking bad?

[lune-hime]

'ello love:3 So i'm just dropping this here xD MC and Levi are a fresh couple but Levi wanted to keep their relationship a secret from the public bc he didn't want ppl butting in his business and also bc well- our awkward boi is new to all this and doesn't rlly know how to handle it anyway. Erwin and Hange have obv picked up on it though. So they just devise all kinds of plans to torment Levi and get him to break in public and out his relationship for the world to see xD I have such a soft spot for flustered/jealous!Levi i s2g🥺

You know that you're my fav and i have full trust in you, and i can't wait to see whatever you might do with this prompt🤧🖤 love you xoxo

Thank you as always for being so lovely and supportive for both me and my work <3. I apologize if its not as blushy as you requested but I hope I did your request justice! Love you too girlie <3

Garden of Tulips (Levi/Reader) Tea Time #8

~Click me for more chapters~

“What did it look like?”

“Hmm?” Levi looked up from his place next to your sleeping form. “The titan that tried to snack on my darling granddaughter.” “Ugly as fuck.” “Aren’t they all?”

Levi recounts memories of the reader and their shared life together while she recovers from a serious injury.

!!WARNINGS!! - Violence, gore, smut, wholesome content ;)

Breaking the News

↞♞♘↠

Your budding relationship with Levi wasn’t a secret. It just hadn’t been formally announced in a grandiose speech to the entire scouting legion. That didn’t mean you wouldn’t tell people if they prodded you hard enough.

“You told him.” Jean smirked as you walked towards the dining hall. “That stupid grin that never leaves your face says it all.”

It hadn’t even been two full days since you had confessed, of course he would have caught on by now. He knew you too well.

“...I hate how well you know me.”

~~~

“Levi, I just went to your office to find you.” Petra began, tapping her finger idly along the polished wood of the library table. Levi looked up from his book with a raised eyebrow.

“...And I found Y/N lounging in there instead.” Petra’s lips wobbled in a poor attempt to contain her excitement. Levi sighed and blinked up at her.

“Please tell me the two of you are finally together!” She demanded sweetly, leaning over the table in giddy suspense.

“We are.”

Despite Levi’s outward nonchalance, he too was quite giddy. And he thought that word and his name would never have been remotely connected. He felt utterly happy, but that didn’t mean he had to parade this newfound bliss around. The official standing of your relationship wasn’t a new installment in everyone’s lives. It was between you and him.

It was simple. If someone asked, the two of you would tell them. But that casual openness didn’t pertain to Hange and Erwin. Oh no, the two of you wanted to mess with two of the most important people in your lives.

Believe it or not, Erwin had a pension for gossip. Being commander, naturally he liked to be informed on all of the happenings in his jurisdiction. Hange, also having an insatiable desire of the unknown, was the corps worst and most persistent snoop. So, to have a bit of fun, you and Levi decided to make a game out of it. And those who did know were told to keep their mouths shut until you were done.

“ERWIN!” Hange’s bellow was a swift precursor to the boisterous body slam that crashed against Erwin’s locked office doors. Erwin’s eyes flicked up from his desk towards the cacophony. A muffled groan of pain fell upon the commander’s ears as he strode to unlock his office. Once the locks clicked, Hange uncrumpled herself and walked in.

“Sorry, I was trying to be dramatic but your door was locked. She huffed and rolled her wrists as they cracked. Erwin regarded at her as if this was in their daily routine.

“What can I do for you, Hange?” He posed calmly, clasping his hands together behind his back.

“I saw Levi and Y/N having lunch together at one of the outdoor tables.” She said in utter seriousness and leaned in. Erwin raised his brows as she continued to stare at him with wide eyes.

“They do interact, you know.” He responded, unimpressed by this mundane observation. Hange shook her head vehemently.

“Yes yes I know. But Levi took some food from her plate. He never does that with anyone. Doesn’t want their cooties.” Hange elaborated, her tone viscous with conspiracy.

Now this did peak the commander’s interest. His hand came to rub at his freshly shaven jaw at the thought provoking scenario.

"That is unusual.” Erwin mused.

He would have liked to give the two of you the benefit of the doubt on confiding in him the status of your relations-as both your commanding officer and a friend. But he couldn’t deny Hange’s claim. She was right, Levi never shared food willingly.

“Time to investigate?” Hange suggested with a wily grin. An impish half smile blossomed on Erwin's lips and he sealed her proposal with a nod.

Let’s just say...all of their investigatory attempts had failed thus far.

They started out simple; discretely corralling the two of you to sit by each other at meals and watching for affectionate gestures.

Which got them:

Nothing. Save for you taking Levi’s plate to be cleaned…but you did that for everyone else at the table as well.

~~~

Erwin felt he was justified in saying he and Levi had a close relationship spanning many years at this point. Thus he would like to think he knew him well enough to be skeptical that Levi would be the jealous type. Hange, on the other hand, couldn't have disagreed more.

Erwin’s thumb brushed along the ceramic pot of the freshly planted wild daisies as he flagged down a passing cadet.

“Cadet.” He called. His level voice stopped the kid in his tracks with wide eyes. He jogged over and stood straight in front of his superior officer on the outskirts of the training grounds where you were currently waiting for your next batch of cadets. Levi was sitting a few meters away fiddling with a broken 3DM harness in his lap as he too waited for more brats to train.

“Yes sir?” The young man saluted him. Erwin silently extended his floral hand to him. The young man blinked in confusion at the gesture. It only hit Erwin then, what this looked like. He cleared his throat and pursed his lips.

“Go place these next to Squad Leader Y/N.” Erwin instructed without a hint of jest and nodded towards where you were leaning along the fence. You looked like you were dozing off as you waited. “It’s for landscaping.”

Erwin noted the sheer perplexiity that radiated off of the boy, but the cadet didn’t question the simple order given to him. Erwin watched from afar as he approached your oblivious form.

The disorientation of the early stages of a nap mixed with the sudden tap on your shoulder made you startle. You gripped the poor kid by the arm, immediately causing him to drop the potted flowers. You instinctively threw him over your shoulder and he hit the ground hard .

“Oh Ymir, I’m so sorry!” You profusely apologized as the cadet groaned and rubbed his hip. Erwin sighed at his failed plan as you helped the boy back up and explained to him you weren’t usually that jittery.

“Nice throw.” Levi commented when the cadet was out of earshot.

~~~

Hange’s last ditch attempt was to once she was done talking to Levi in his office, suddenly demand she has to use the restroom and insist that it absolutely cannot wait. This was in the hopes of Levi graciously letting her use his and she could briefly snoop around his bedroom and ensuite for any signs of you.

All she got was a gracious shove outside of his office and a request to take care of her business out in the hallway instead.

↞↠↞↠↞↠

Once they had exhausted their plans, Erwin called Hange into his office on a humid summer evening.

Hange swiveled in circles behind Erwin’s office desk, her legs propelling her gently round and round in his chair.  Erwin leisurely reclined on the leather couch after regrouping on their failures thus far.

“There is a festival in town this week.” Erwin spoke up.

“Are you asking me out on a date?” Hange asked on her way around, her head lazily slung against the headrest of the seat.

“No.”

“Shame, haven’t been on a date in so long.”

“If we’re still serious about getting to the bottom of this, I’ll make it mandatory for everyone to go into town for the market fete.” He proposed and chewed at his bottom lip in thought.

Hange pursed her lips as she pondered his suggestion. She halted her spinning and rolled over to him.

“Go on.” She urged at his tantalizing proposal.

“As you know, I usually give everyone the day off during the festival every year in case they want to go. A few of our officers usually volunteer to help out and engage with the community.” Erwin explained.

“This time I’ll require all-”

“For the love of Ymir, minus cadets please. Could you imagine how many babies that would be to manage?” Hange interjected with an exhale.

“Right, only squad members will take the day off.”

“This will ensure that both Levi and Y/N are there. We’ll say it will be a good opportunity to not only volunteer for the community, but create transparency between the military and civilians. There’s going to be dancing, music, and food so they’re bound to sneak off together at some point. We will keep a vigilant watch.” Erwin said eloquently. He then looked at his subordinate expectantly.

Hange blinked.

“I was going to suggest we start a small, controlled fire in my laboratory while both of them are in there to garner a romantic rescue scene. But let’s go with your idea. It’s not necessarily better...but it’s easier.” Hange nodded in affirmation.

“Let’s save the pyrotechnics as our very last resort.” He agreed.

“We’ll have to be resourceful while we are there. Know our environment, and what triggers might expose their everlasting love to us.” Hange said with dreamy determination.

↞↠↞↠↞↠

When Erwin announced that it was mandatory for all upper level officers to volunteer, you had commissioned Oma to send you tulips to sell at the local flower shop’s booth. Your fingers nimbly weaved stems of tulips and other assorted angiosperms into delicate flower crowns while the rest of your body bopped along to the lively fiddle music that flooded the square in front of you.

“Go out there.” Your stall mate, the heavily pregnant owner of the shop, urged when she noticed your little dancing. Villagers were laughing as they line danced to the upbeat music, couples swirled in a whirlwind of giggles, and others preferred to freestyle on their own. You looked from the shop owner to the square and back again in a fleeting moment of contemplation.

“No, I couldn’t. We came here to volunteer, not dance.” You politely declined her offer with a warm grin. “Maybe later tonight.”

She shrugged and resumed arranging a bouquet of peonies. You had placed your crown out for display and had just barely reached for a fresh tulip when a distantly familiar voice called your name over the merriment.

“ Luca ?” Your breathy voice rose with your shocked smile. “No way, it’s been ages!”

Across the counter stood the remnants of a boy you had been acquainted with at banquets and other high end events before enlisting into the corps. To say he was quite different from when you last saw him would have been a grave understatement.

“It really has! Walls, it’s had to have been since we were 17 right?”

From the perpendicular side of the square, even Levi had to forcibly admit...he was handsome as fuck.

Sickeningly handsome.

Perfect teeth of the highest bleached marble. Perfect hair the shade sunbaked bronze bricks. Perfectly pressed suit jacket and trousers. Perfectly annoying how he garnered such sweet laughter from you.

How would he like a perfectly undercooked, scalding pancake all over his perfect face?

Levi took pleasure in holding the title as reigning king of outward indifference.

Keyword: outward .

Levi didn’t generally think of himself as jealous or walls forbid over-possessive. But when he finally allowed himself to acknowledge his affections for you, irrational feelings of abandonment surfaced more than he would have liked. Possessiveness would pick at his insides and fester there until your imprint was felt in his waiting arms. He would never act on it, unless it was someone clearly making you feel uncomfortable, especially not before you two made your feelings known to each other. But now that he was yours and you were his, any false threat that could take you away from him was an intrusive thought he couldn’t shake. His past self would have snickered at how his emotions had him whipped into a constant cycle of elation and fear of deprivation. But he would now rather feel that than nothing at all without you.

Levi was quite the sight himself. There he resided behind his booth, situated at the long iron skillet with a frilled apron (courtesy of the crepe shop and unwillingly placed onto him) cinched around his waist. He simultaneously burned a hole right through the jubilant townspeople and the bubbling pancake batter sizzling on the griddle. Hange would later say he resembled a small gremlin who didn’t take his job seriously enough.

“Two strawberry crepes, please.” An older woman requested politely. Levi made a noise of acknowledgement, only looking down briefly to flay the batter out in a thin circle. His fingers flexed in the direction of the strawberries, missing them by an inch as he continued his eagle eyed spying.

Don’t inch closer to her.

Erwin, stood next to the goblin in a matching apron, watched as the woman watched Levi who was watching you. He sighed, shoving the tub of berries within range of Levi’s grasp. His eyes finally snapped away from you at the smell of burning batter. He rolled the poor crepe and plopped it onto the woman’s plate.

Those soft hands wouldn’t ever be able to make you feel as good as mine.

“Um-these are burnt.” She accused, her voice still ringing pleasantly despite her disappointment. Levi blankly took the whipped cream and gave her a heaping dollop.

“There, now you can’t tell.” He said simply. The customer looked at Erwin and he gave her a cringed smile.

“I apologize, ma’am. Let me make you another one.” He offered.

~~~

“When I heard you and the kid you used to sometimes bring as your date to events-” Luca began, his bright grin never wayining.

“Jean.” You clarified.

“Yeah him! When I heard you guys joined the survey corps I gotta say I wasn’t surprised with you, given your Oma. I was a bit devastated that I wouldn’t get to see your beautiful face for awhile, though.” He smoothly slid the flirty comment over the counter to you.

You did a double take, chuckling softly before he started speaking again.

“It’s good to see you unscathed. You’re so brave, you know that?” His dazzling boyish smile and clear attentiveness towards you made the pregnant woman giggle from the other corner.

“Thank you for saying that.” You replied sweetly. His compliments were coming on very strong and out of nowhere. Your mind buzzed with ways to politely accept them without leading him on.

“But what are you up to? The last time I saw you, you were my height and wanted to be a lawyer.” You chuckled nostalgically, seeing that now he was a good head taller than you.

His bright laugh made Levi want to gag on the sunspots that seemed to come out of his mouth.

“I’m actually a banker now. I’m training to take over for my dad when he retires.” He said with enthusiasm.

You were about to continue the conversation when the pregnant woman interjected.

“Young man, would you please take this young lady to dance? She disobeyed my orders to go enjoy herself for one song after helping me with this stall all afternoon.” The woman winked at you and you gaped. Luca held out his hand to you.

Levi thought of himself as a collected person. He really did. He wasn’t controlling. He trusted you. What he didn’t trust were sharp tongue nobles who clearly had a history with you by the way you were reacting.

“You heard your boss, Y/N. The flowers won’t miss you for one dance.” Luca’s sweet lopsided grin and the innocent insistence of the shop owner urged you to reach out to take his hand.

“Fine, one dance.” You said with a growing smile of your own. You felt bad about leaving your post, but your legs had been itching to dance all afternoon. And it might be fun to catch up with Luca. You glanced over towards the one who you would rather be side stepping around the cobblestone with, only he wasn’t at his booth.

But when you stepped around the corner and reached out for the hand extended to you, another found its way to wrap at your side.

“Ah, Levi-” You noted in surprise, but didn’t fight the tender hand at your waist. It was an unusually bold statement for him, his close proximity catching you off guard.

“Are you another friend of Y/N?” Luca asked with a candied voice that made Levi’s organs want to shrivel up. He stared at him for a moment, while you waited in anticipation for his answer. Your heart excitedly beat against your chest and his fingers twitched against your hip.

“The boyfriend actually.” His voice dripped with a supple bitterness that made Luca’s eyebrows shoot up. You regarded Levi with your mouth agape; his cheeks were blushed a soft red and his lips were raw from toying with them. He looked utterly adorable.

“I see. It was nice catching up with you, Y/N.” He gave you an understanding smile and backed off. You said your goodbyes and turned to Levi.

“Well does my boyfriend want to dance with me, then?” You teased. Your heart was fluttering viciously at his use of the word.

Levi felt the curve of your waist under his palm, saw the love that swirled in your irises, and basked in the affection of your rosy cheeks and excited grin.

Fuck it. He wanted to experience life with you, no matter who saw or what others thought. It was time to live.

“One dance." He mumbled, cursing the rosy flames of affection that baked his face.

You gasped when he led you into the square and began leading you in time with the music. You melted into his embrace, blowing a kiss to Erwin and Hange who were situated near the pancake booth, gawking at the two of you.

“Well, Erwin, looks like we didn’t even have to exercise our other plans.” Hange sighed, leaning against his booth and grinning as more soldiers joined in dancing after seeing you two go.

“Indeed. I like seeing him happy.” A genuine smile unfolded on Erwin’s lips. Hange hummed in agreement and looked over to her booth. Under the table she had stashed a box of assorted fireworks and other merriment explosives.

“Well, shit, what am I going to do with these fireworks now?” She exclaimed.

“I’m sure you will think of something.”

Assumptions

↞♞♘↠

“It’s dumb.” You admitted sheepishly. Levi wasn’t dissuaded by your weak dismissal.

“So? I hear dumb shit on the daily.” He countered.

The two of you were having a friendly, celebratory tea break the week of your promotion to squad leader when the topic of the beginnings of your interactions casually came up.

“Once I realized you were tough on me and the other cadets because you needed to be, I didn’t take it personally anymore. I guess I was just a bit distant at first because…” You trailed off, trying to place your words correctly without offending him.

Levi waited patiently as the tick tocking of his office clock filled the pause in conversation. His chest clenched as he explored all possible responses you could give him.

“I assumed you wouldn’t like me because of my background. That you might have thought I was pretentious.” You admitted, meeting his gaze for a brief moment before turning them downwards towards your tea cup. His stomach dropped at your confession and at the bashful way your beautiful eyes wouldn't meet his.

“Why would you think I would hate you just because you grew up more well off than me?” He asked gently. His heart stung with a small tinge of offense. Not at you, but at himself. He could be quite a distant p;erson, and he knew that. But he would never want you to think he hated you.

“I dunno, Petra mentioned to me how you came from the underground and I know-well I don’t know-actually how…” You said bashfully. You had never enjoyed discussions about the monetary values of your upbringing. You wanted to be known for you , not any price tag associated with you.

“How write and disgusting it is?” He added. You nodded slowly.

Levi felt a prick at his pride that you once thought he would have judged you as such and would have written you off entirely. He took a generous sip of his tea and let the space between you ferment.

“...That is pretty stupid.” The harsh words left his lips with a honeyed coating. You felt momentarily idiotic, but it was immediately washed away.

“If anything, you’ve shown me that not all people with money are assholes.” He continued.

“The underground made me who I am, just as Krolva made you how you are. It’s by chance what we’re born into. If I hated you for that then it’d be like hating you for existing.”

His sincerity spanned from his words to his eyes that now regarded you with inviting tenderness. His openness gave heated kisses to your cheeks as you settled into a bittersweet silence. Your nerves had been dissipated, and Levi’s had been ignited with his increasingly unbearable feelings for you.

“...And I don’t.” He added quickly, the heat of his cheeks rising with the steam of his drink.

[marshmallowprotection]

Ooh one of the latest asks reminded me of one story I imagined...

In my AU where my Saeran CMC, Saeran, Saeyoung and CMC's very close friend live in semi-detached house like family, I imagined how somehow Megane (CMC's friend) bc of boredome took part of plenty of lotterys, those contests in magazines (?) like finish the crossword and send the reasult etc etc but actually send few times as her, as Nancy, as Saeyoung... and forgot about it and turned out that she kinda won one interesting contest, but send as Saeyoung, and prise was something line trip to NASA to go throught all Astronaut training, met astronauts and such.

And finally she have to tell him, isn't she? So she quickly mention using his personal info and prise "he" won (very apologetically).

How do you think Saeyoung would react?

Saeyoung has hidden every part of himself for a long time. In fact, it's almost second nature for him to hide everything about himself. He does this because it still feels like he needs to live in hiding. He still feels like he has to keep parts of himself away from the rest of the world. It's not just comfort for his privacy, it's the fact that from the moment he was born, he was told that if his father were to find out where he was exactly and if he didn't have protection with him, then he would likely be dead. 

A lot of the things that people take for granted are things that he's not allowed to have if he wants to be alive. He could never take photos of himself and share them with anyone without fearing the worst. His face is Saeran’s face, and if the chance came up, someone would use information against him to kill him or his twin. 

He could never be online like Yoosung and post freely about those things he likes and dislikes. He simply couldn’t have that. He was already denied a lot of things. He couldn’t go to school. He couldn’t have friends. He couldn’t pick a single thing to eat that he wanted for himself. He couldn’t go out without any kind of fear. 

This is so deeply ingrained in who he is as a person that it is hard to separate him from the paranoia that he deals with every day of his life. He is inherently anxious about this fear. It can be a small fear but it rises into something so much more than that quickly. It starts small with him wanting to make sure that you're okay by checking your location, but there are times when he looks over cameras and footage until you get home from the second you leave, for example. 

His paranoia can bleed into being controlling. It's coming from a good place but it doesn't excuse the fact that it can come out in a way it's kind of ugly. He is afraid of what can happen. He prepared himself for the worst from day one, and he has so many contingency plans that it's hard to keep track of them all. 

He just wants to keep everyone safe.

That means hiding as much as he can to save his loved ones. Saeran, his MC, and Saeran’s MC. Those are the most important people to him and that’s going to come before the RFA. That’s nothing against them. This is just instinctual for him. He will protect Saeran and himself first. It’s always them first and that’s the plan. That’s his goal. However, his reaction to this is going to wary greatly on the timeline. 

If this is the SE? Then he’s going to be upset beyond reason because he still has you all living in hiding for a good reason. It’s enough that he might have a breakdown and need to be alone. He’ll say some things that he’ll regret later on out of fear. He shuts down. From the very second Mint Eye collapsed, he’s been fighting. It doesn't matter that the agency is gone and the cult is gone. His father is not gone. His father is still a threat. He has to worry about that all of the time. 

So, if anyone compromised this, obviously he's going to be upset because there's a strong chance that you'll have to get out of there as soon as possible. It doesn't matter how small it may seem, anything can be traced. He knows that. So, he's going to be upset the second it happens. He knows that Saejoong is looking for them. He’s going to be working on trying to get you out of there asap if he can. He’s going to breakdown in the middle of that, and he will try not to lash out at his MC or the others, but it’s obvious being the pillar of protection is a heavy burden. He won’t be mad because you used his name. 

He’ll be angry because his father has denied him the ability to live without fear. 

If this is Saeran’s AE? He’s going to be able to handle it a lot better since he is allowed to exist as himself without fearing repercussions. People can know his name and know who he is. In fact, a lot of people know who he is now and he can’t change that fact. Still, he doesn’t go out of his way to be known anymore if he can help it. It’s weird to have people watching his back or knowing who he is without him knowing who they are. He’s not angry about it! He’s just surprised by the turn of events that he’s dealing with. Going from being a nobody to being a somebody is weird. Jokingly, he’d be asking Zen for advice on how to handle all this newfound fame. 

He’s able to laugh about this with his MC and he thinks its neat. In another world he might have been upset and had a heart attack. But, in this one? He’s excited and hopeful that he gets to share the experience with his loved ones. This is the calm outcome where there’s nothing to worry about but being himself and having that moment to be the man that he wants to be. He’ll likely cry because this is the first time that his name has been used for something that is innocent and so simple... it’s not like the past where one whisper of his name felt like the world was going to end. 

He’s so happy that he gets to have moments like this and his MC would’ve given him a chance to feel like he’s just a normal man. 

[nctrsn20]

[just a heads up but trigger warning for the Dreamies + Shorato&Sungchan]

――

N-DREAM + THE ROOKIES

MARK LEE

POSITION ― Leader-Boss of DREAM, All Rounder

RELATIONSHIP STATUS ― Strictly Unavailable [colleagues to lovers]

IMPORTANT SIBLING(S)/RELATIVE(S) ―

IMPORTANT FRIEND ―

CURRENT LOCATION & DESTINATION ― PARIS ⤍ KOREA

I swear Mark is exactly like Peter Parker

now introducing the boss and leader of DREAM, Mark Lee

a young, handsome and polite man which all girls kind of having a thing for him (both in the mafia organization and in school)

but when it comes to work, he is a mixture of Kun and Taeyong

he is nice like Kun but he doesn't take bullshits just like Taeyong (and he gets pretty scary when his love ones especially his bestfriend are involved in his businesses - expect Mark not to be nice and probably knowing he is going to kill you by the end of the night)

very hard-working individual

he jumps from helping 127 and to be Dream's leader, basically helping the young ones and lead them - he HAS A LOT of plate to handle but he is lucky that he has Haechan to relate to

but there is someone he would easily get everything and anything out of his chest and that would be Mark's best friend and crush

she knows everything about Mark - vice versa and how did they know each other? well, they kind of met thanks to Lee Taeyong (you see, Mark's bestfriend is Taeyong's sister)

they met in Taeyong's company building where all 23 members work at and tbh it was iconic because she came in barging into the level where the 23 members located - that area is strictly prohibited to outsiders and ONLY a few staff could enter (and Mark plus some of the 127 members were there at that point of time and strangely they just asked Mark to lead her when he doesn't even know her, but it looks like the older members knew her because they kind of greeted her nicely and cutely which is rare to see the older ones do that)

and ofc gentleman+awkward Mark lead her to where Taeyong is and from there, Mark finds out that she is Taeyong's sister (Mark feels dumb but it's okay bcs she actually doesn't introduce herself as Taeyong's sister for safety reasons - it was weird for Mark, he kept on bumping onto her even when she visited Taeyong for both business purposes and for siblings time)

he also finds out that she went to to same college as him (as well as the other Dream members' partners, it was all a coincidence that Mark's crush is friends with the other Dream members' partners)

and because she is Taeyong's sister, she would always be invited to parties that are made by Taeyong or the other members. (in result all of them became friends and consider a family, she is even friends' with all 23 members' partners - she is a social butterfly)

whenever they are talking in the corner of the room, the older members would look at her and Mark - observing Mark from far and they kind of guessed that Mark somehow likes her, just seeing the way his body language shows

they are right, Mark indeed likes her ever since she kind of confronted Taeyong on giving Mark missions back to back (Mark finds out that it lead into a huge argument between her and Taeyong - actually everyone finds out they were screaming in Taeyong's office till Taeyong's girl and a few of the 127 members had to step in)

and let's just say Mark is a HUGE mess ever since he sees her as his crush (Haechan would always push him to confess to her but the leader would always stutter - like how can you easily shoot someone on the head but can't even say 3 simple words?)

HUANG RENJUN / HWANG INJOON

POSITION ― Sniper, [Main] Weapon Expertise

RELATIONSHIP STATUS ― In A Relationship [high school friends to lovers]

IMPORTANT SIBLING(S)/RELATIVE(S) ―

IMPORTANT FRIEND ―

CURRENT LOCATION & DESTINATION ― KOREA

the weapon expertise and a skilled shooter that was acknowledged by Johnny

our Renjun has a tiny wincy incy bit of temper but is tolerable (usually Mark would easily calm him down but we ALL know who is the one who could just calm down his emotions with just showing herself up)

honestly, Renjun is mostly calm with the 23 members but when it's only the Dream members or they are in a meeting, in the end of the day he would either argue with Haechan or Mark about a mission or business

but when it involves physical fight (not with the Dream members though, they always have a soft spot no matter how things get tough), no one could stop Renjun other than his best friend

both of them are friends ever since high school and she was literally his ride or die friend which turned into his crush best friend (Renjun was known to be a tsundere in school and she was well, we will get to her story in her own part, a girl version of Lucas but she is more tone down and she dates the popular ones back in high school)

fast forward to college where all the Dream members attended (and so as their partners), she and Renjun as usual are close as ever not until she dated a guy that was lowkey rivals with Renjun - basically the Huangs'

it was obvious he dated her to get NCTs' information but here is the thing, she doesn't hang out in NCT's residence that much (due to her work and school stuff, she was somehow naïve)

fast forward Renjun and the rest of the members find out that the guy cheated on Renjun's best friend and things went down yall (Renjun got into a fist fight with him and ofc the Dreamies had to call her and that's when things literally went downhill)

she and Renjun got into a huge argument, it's just messy until Renjun couldn't take it anymore and literally shouted those 3 words which is 'I love you' and our homegirl is shook (and Renjun started avoiding her and she just went to NCT's residence crying after Mark and Haechan spill everything to her - Dream members couldn't take it anymore after seeing Renjun basically crying and just wasn't himself for a few weeks)

according to Mark and Haechan, Renjun told them that he has always like her every since high school and till now, his feelings never change - he likes how confident she is, how protective and caring she is (and to Renjun, the way she flirts with him was different from how she flirts with other guys) although she had did things that break his heart (dating others, basically seeing her in campus)

he really loves her that he would kill someone if they wants her head

and let's just say at the end of that day, our homeboy Renjun got a kiss that he always wanted, which was on the lips - and from there, both of them worked things out and now we have a bad-ass couple

LEE JENO

POSITION ― [High-Rank] Soldier, Hitman [hand to hand combat expertise]

RELATIONSHIP STATUS ― In A Relationship [best friend to lovers]

IMPORTANT SIBLING(S)/RELATIVE(S) ―

IMPORTANT FRIEND ―

CURRENT LOCATION & DESTINATION ― KOREA

now let's welcome the hitman of the group, Lee Jeno

to be honest, he is considered an all-rounder BUT Taeyong acknowledges him to be a hitman after seeing him basically attacking and ending up killing one of Taeyong's enemies with just his bare-hands

mind-blowing because Jeno is the quietest and somehow calm and to know he could just kill someone with a pair of hands? damn

it was insane to see his duality that the 127 members could only look at Jeno with open mouth (they were shookth) and of course everyone knows not to make Jeno angry or being in his red list

one day, somehow rumors got into the kids in the mafia school that Jeno murdered someone and out of a sudden kids started to gang up on him

though mostly the Dream members as well as their partners back up Jeno (since Dream members know the exact story) and most of them were willing to get hurt just to protect their friend, but Jeno would tell them to stay out of it

but of course one wouldn't listen to him and let's welcome our savior of Jeno's life, his best friend aka his crush ever since they were in middle school

his crush is a sweet individual and most people were quite weirded out to see him getting along with her, both of their personalities kind of the opposite (they didn't know that the reason why they are able to be friends, much more than friends - best friends)

will explain more about his crush istg i love Jeno's girl Jeno secretly loves her bad-ass/aggressive side which was the day when sadly, his crush gets nearly expelled - so what had happened was Jeno got into a fist fight with a group of boys and there was a commotion obviously which lead Jeno's crush and her friends (which were Dream's partners) to the area

basically Jeno was being ganged up and beaten - her friends were shook that she decided to get involved which was rare and seeing how aggressive she got when she shove one of Jeno's attacker and started throwing out strong punches to the point when the boy screamed bloodily (and her friends had to hold her back, it was so sudden and frightening to see the look she gave)

and all of them was basically sent to the principal's office and let's just say Kun was being called too (he is the dean of the college they are attending) - and everyone receives punishment equally but the group of boys who gang up on Jeno were given much more heavier punishment

the next thing happen that made all of the Dream members step aside was hearing harsh words coming from Jeno as a result the two of them were shouting at each other in frustration until one of them accidentally said 'i love you'

but those words weren't coming form Jeno - it was from her (it was all a sudden but she meant it)

let's just say at the end of that argument, both of them shed more tears in each other arms and getting a kiss on the lips - and a full-time committed relationship

now knowing that jeno thought he knows her best friend-lover too well until he somehow figured out a secret that she has been keeping from him and everyone around her for too long

LEE DONGHYUCK / HAECHAN

POSITION ― [High-Rank] Soldier, All-Rounder

RELATIONSHIP STATUS ― In A Relationship [acquaintances to lovers]

IMPORTANT SIBLING(S)/RELATIVE(S) ―

IMPORTANT FRIEND ―

CURRENT LOCATION & DESTINATION ― KOREA

the troublemaker and an all-round (just like Mark)

he and Mark runs from 127 to Dream back and forth and he is positioned to do all kinds of roles (sniper, assassin, hitman, decoy) according to Mark and Taeyong's instructions

very loud individual and you can hear him screaming or just talking in full-caps somewhere in NCT's residence (Taeyong, together with Kun and Mark actually made their own residence - combining three huge houses together as their home, a place for the ones who doesn't a place to live or when there are missions back to back so 127, WAYV and DREAM has their own houses but the fun part is that their houses is just the opposite of each other)

and interestingly all of sudden he became strangely quiet whenever a very familiar looking girl walks into NCT's residence together with the other older members along with their partner's

you see, Haechan has a huge crush on Jungwoo's and Jaemin's partner's sister and although they were in the same circle of friends, she and Haechan didn't talk much and that's because she is a busy girl while Haechan is too shy to make the first move

but all that shyness has to be put down when Taeyong gave Haechan work to do which was to become the bodyguard to her (apparently her sisters were in danger which lead to Haechan's crush being involve too)

basically they started talking and both were becoming more comfortable with each other that Haechan would always hangs out with her in school and be clingy to her and as usual being his usual loud self (and she is the only one who can keep up with Haechan's clinginess which the other members would call her if they couldn't handle him)

when Haechan started to realize he is in love or already fell for her is when he was summoned into the meeting room with 127 (and for the first time, Jungwoo wasn't there and that's because he was in another country, on a hide out with his girl), telling Haechan that a group of syndicate is trying to kill his crush's bloodline (apparently her family has a lot of hatred just because they have the most gold-basically-rich which is ridiculous)

so she was forced to stay in NCT's residence (together with her younger sister whom were just a few months younger which would be introduce as Jaemin's partner) and by then Haechan already confirmed his feelings for her after they kind of cuddled together as well as having the deep talk regarding her life and it's just different

and when Haechan thinks the situation was eased down and thinking that he could make his move, turns out it was the opposite of what he thinks - and to summarize, his crush end up being the hostage making ALL of NCT members' to move their feet after seeing Haechan basically turn into rage

Haechan was a mess alright, he was mad, frustrated, kind of pissed with himself and also scared (at the end of the day, he was the savior of the night - he was the one who personally took her out of the basement of where the syndicate lives)

the rest was history with interestingly her being the first one to confess to him and Haechan making the first move on kissing her right in front of the members (iconic)

NA JAEMIN

POSITION ― [High-Rank] Soldier, Hitman

RELATIONSHIP STATUS ― Complicated [high school friends to lovers]

IMPORTANT SIBLING(S)/RELATIVE(S) ―

IMPORTANT FRIEND ―

CURRENT LOCATION & DESTINATION ― KOREA

the deadly cute hitman of the group (well Chenle, Jisung and Shotaro are cute but they are different type of cute)

while Jeno is more to a hand-to-hand hitman, Jaemin uses Renjun's newly made weapons on his targets (and again, Jeno and Jaemin are somehow soulmates - they work together, hangout together)

although Jeno is always with him, school somehow separated them since they were taking different subjects (this is in high-school) and that's how he gets to meet his crush, which is also a sister to Jungwoo's and Jeno's partner in a not-so-good situation

Jaemin is known to be that cute introvert individual who does his own thing and sadly, boys who had jealousy of Jaemin's good looks would find ways to tease him or just made fun of him (Jaemin would usually shrug them off and Jeno would always be the one to back him up)

until one day when Jaemin steps out of the school building and he was randomly pushed down and all he remember was huge throbbing on his head from being kicked and punched then hearing groans and yells from the boys before passing out

and when he woke-up kind-of, he saw blurry image of Taeyong, Jeno and a girl in a corner, he couldn't see her face clearly but all he could remember was she had a blonde hair and she was wearing a leather jacket (and he passed out again poor Jaemin he wasn't in a good condition)

Jaemin would return to school a few days later and strangely, there were new rumors regarding a girl, that was also mentioned with Jungwoo's and Jeno's partner's names, coming back and of course as a NCT member he put two and two together (she was the one who save him and she is the sister to both of Jungwoo's and Jeno's partner and they are known to be well-known in their own ways, especially the youngest one. it would be explain in her own profile/moodboard)

honestly during lunchtime, they would make a few eye-contact from far. Jaemin as usual with Jeno and the Dream members while she was in her own clique (this is before she joined Elinovas Angel, she had her own clique in high school)

the reason why Dream members didn't approach her nor her clique or herself is because both groups are kind of rivals secretly (but all of them are chill though and THAT IS BECAUSE of her saving one of the Dream members so it's a win-win situation)

the first time Jaemin approach her was when she was just minding her own business in the cafeteria, sitting alone, reading a paper while munching an apple (apparently the way Jaemin approach kind of her made her choke slightly, causing her to almost fell from her back and that's when Jaemin perfectly caught her, IN his arms all of a sudden it's like a k-drama or something) let's just say they were lost in each others eyes with her basically yeeting out of his arms with a flushed face

THAT was the moment when they kind of were attracted of each other

the rest of high school days were actually pretty memorable because he actually made friends with her BUT in secret , thanks to Taeyong and the older member's parties, Jaemin had his chance to make her trust him as they had this cute bond with each other since she attended the events as a sister to Jungwoo's and Jeno's partners (Jaemin already consider her as his best friend maybe more than that, he is still confused with his own feelings)

but things started to get out of hand nearly graduation when all of a sudden Jaemin and Dream members were being approached by her clique, needing Jaemin's help that one of their members which was Jaemin's best friend/crush was being held hostage (and everyone was shocked to see how Jaemin's face turned from normal to rage - he literally ran out of the school compound)

within an hour with Jaemin rushing to Taeyong and getting the information he needs, Jaemin founds her and he was horrified after seeing her body literally laying on the basement and she looked like she was beaten (Jaemin was crying when he was driving his way to NCT's residence - everyone was shook to see him cry because in every missions they did, he had never show his vulnerable side, this was the first and it isn't even a mission tbh)

he would stay by her side - he even neglected his own daily needs. he wouldn't leave her side even when the Dream members or the older members would softly ask him to eat or take a rest. that was the moment when everyone figured out that Jaemin loves her (it was obvious with the way Jaemin looked at her sleeping face - and deep down, Jaemin even knows he care for her, adored her and love her)

ZHONG CHENLE

POSITION ― [High-Rank] Tech Specialist

RELATIONSHIP STATUS ― Complicated [high school friends to lovers]

IMPORTANT SIBLING(S)/RELATIVE(S) ―

IMPORTANT FRIEND ― Felix Lee (Stray Kids)

CURRENT LOCATION & DESTINATION ― KOREA

the cute and sassy tech specialist

if Jeno and Jaemin are a pair, Chenle is with Jisung (the two youngest were assigned to be the tech specialist, at the same time the main guards of NCT's residence so they are always in front of multiple PCs' and they are the ones who would accept outsiders in - that's how much Taeyong trust the youngests)

Chenle loves his job tbh that's because he get to plan out booby-traps for unwelcome visitors and most of them would be killed instantly by Chenle and Jisung's booby-traps (the older members were shookth to see a few dead bodies in front of their main door - and they found out Chenle and Jisung had used Yangyang's poison air-gas and somehow put them in balloons)

being tech specialist, he rarely comes out to do missions since Taeyong doesn't allow him and Jisung too - but when Taeyong or Mark really needs a last minute back-up, that would be Chenle (the young one has his own back-up team)

until one day, a unfamiliar girl and obviously unwelcomed ran into NCT's residence - there are multiple CCTV's in their residence (they could even see what's going on WAYV and 127 residence) and it was weird to Chenle because he couldn't recognize her since he knows everyone who is somehow friends and are associates to the 23 members

so instead of as usual activating the booby-traps, Chenle's guts tell him to go out there personally armed with a gun and asking Jisung to keep a watch out and in the end his guts were right (it was Winwin's younger sister whom Winwin himself didn't talk much since she is always abroad and she looked pretty terrified)

now the thing about Chenle is he isn't too friendly with people he doesn't know EVEN though they are friend with the other members (except for the Elinovas Angels, Chenle really really treats them like his own guardian/older sisters) but strangely, he didn't know why he has this feeling of wanting to protect her - seeing how fragile she look at that exact moment (dude Chenle was concern, she looked like she was crying on the way here and he actually guided her to WAYV's residence since she barged into DREAM's)

and after that night, Chenle strangely kept thinking of her and in result of him asking Winwin what is going on and he was shook to find out his biological sister was about to be in a arranged married with a psychopath and an abuser (and without thinking Chenle started to give out plans and he didn't realise Winwin was shook to hear how concern he is because Chenle IS NEVER to be the one to get in others business)

Winwin being the good older brother actually listens to Chenle and one was to ask her to stay in NCT's residence and to ask her to enroll into where Dream members are currently studying in which was Kun's college (eventually she enrolled and all of the Dream's partners' are sweet enough to greet her, making her comfortable as she joins the group and eventually Elinovas Angels)

everyday, Chenle sticks to her and both of them are already comfortable with each other, not knowing what was about to come in the future

and one frightening day, Chenle receives a hand-written letter from her and he came running almost crying to Winwin about what was written - he was shocked and hurt that she decided to surrender after receiving threats regarding to attack NCT's residence and Taeyong's company building (what he didn't tell Winwin is that she actually wrote a separate letter for Chenle, confessing that she actually fell for him - he was nice, patient and just his own self unlike other mafia man she knows. she also revealed that if she stayed longer, she would fall completely for Chenle)

that part actually made Chenle hurt the most, he could just cry on the spot but his mind was much faster to run to Winwin to save her from doing something stupid (which was marrying that bastard)

for the first time, out of all missions, he decided to personally rescue her along with WAYV members

iconic and everyone sees Chenle's protective and loving side, he is lowkey to his own members but for the first time, everyone could see his vulnerable side openly (and expect to see Chenle calming the almost raging Winwin and his sister who almost gonna cry and that made Chenle kind of more protective)

PARK JISUNG

POSITION ― [High-Rank] Tech Specialist

RELATIONSHIP STATUS ― Strictly Unavailable [childhood friends to lovers]

IMPORTANT SIBLING(S)/RELATIVE(S) ―

IMPORTANT FRIEND ―

CURRENT LOCATION & DESTINATION ― KOREA

another cute tech specialist but Jisung is somewhat an angel while Chenle is the devil ajaja

an introvert so Taeyong decided to put him as the tech specialist, together with Chenle (and Taeyong sees Jisung as someone who is still a minor and although this organization is ruthless, Taeyong still cares for the young ones and wants them to be ready when they know they are ready themselves)

everyone babies him tbh and they are protective of him

even his own childhood best friend whom is a younger sister to Lucas, is protective of Jisung

this two are always together - yes, even when they are babies that's because both of their family are friends, close friends

and both Jisung's and his childhood friend's families are known for their own reputation (Jisung's would be having scary parents and hers would be having rich parents)

until one day during middle school, she approached Jisung with tears running down her cheeks - telling him that she had to go, which was to move out since something went wrong within her family business

you see middle school Jisung is different than the now!Jisung, he was happy back then, kind of cheerful although no one wants to befriend him and that's because of his childhood bff (she was always there for him, she went to his soccer tournament, she even attended all of his birthday parties)

Jisung didn't have the time to be shock nor surprised because it was that day itself where his best friend has to go (so throughout the day of his best friend's last day of school, he was being extra clingy with her, accompanying her everywhere)

he decided to follow her all the way to the airport, not surprised when his family was there too to bid their goodbyes' (kind of felt betrayed that they didn't tell him but ofc he didn't care for now since his main focus is his bff)

and everyone is shookth to see Jisung crying while hugging his bff and ofc she had to be the positive one, patting the boy's back - saying she would be back (but both of them know that isn't the case)

fast forward to 4 years later, Jisung meets her at the high school he attended along with some of the Dream members but surprisingly, she was with Lucas (he was again shook because he didn't know at that time that they were siblings and again, he felt betrayed but again that didn't matter)

Jisung didn't approach her though, that's because he didn't know what to feel (during that 4 years without being with each other, Jisung somehow went through the phase of being alone and at some point and as a result, he learn to be independent - and that's how he joined NCT)

until 2 days later where NCT and their partners' were invited for Taeyong's annual party and all of the members' siblings were invited - and from the corner, Jisung saw her along with Lucas (of course some of the Dream members have to call Jisung since the boy wasn't too attentive and Jisung swore that she looked like she didn't want to be there)

and he was right, Jisung followed her quietly - seeing her going to the swimming pool, sitting down on the edge while soaking her feet (the members encourage him to go to her though, and Jisung didn't waste any time to approach her)

the moment he said his first words and locking his eyes with hers, he was stunned on how beautiful she looks - the dim lights in the corners of the pool reflect through the water and to her (let's just say Jisung found out what had happened to her during the 4 years and he didn't know she suffered too - and they ended that conversation with an apology towards each other and hugs of comfort)

since then and fast forward to college, they were as close as ever and at some point, Jisung learnt that his best friend changed slightly (at one time, a group of boys somehow decided to tease him and she decided to step forwards and again Jisung is stunned to see that his best friend know how to fight)

and at one point of time, Jisung realizes that he is falling for his best friend when a boy in school approaches her to get her number but in the end he didn't get one (that's because she likes Jisung too hehe)

THE EXCELLENT ROOKIES

OSAKI SHOTARO

POSITION ― Rookie Tech Specialist

RELATIONSHIP STATUS ― Unavailable but In Love, Deeply [best friends to lovers]

IMPORTANT SIBLING(S)/RELATIVE(S) ―

IMPORTANT FRIEND ―

CURRENT LOCATION & DESTINATION ― KOREA

1/2 of the A star rookies that was voted by the leaders of all 3 groups

he looks like an angel but he is more than that

he is actually good at hacking and so Taeyong decided to put him under Chenle and Jisung's care (although he is older than them, but Chenle and Jisung are more experienced)

we would wonder how Shotaro joined NCT? it was actually through his parents (unfortunately through a saddened incident of a syndicate barging into Osakis' residence, they were almost slaughtered but it was actually thanks to Yuta that they were saved - the NCT member was close with Shotaro so they keep tabs with each other)

his parents entrusted NCT on taking care of Shotaro (and since then Shotaro lives with the Dream members. he learns how to be independent with the help of the NCT members)

and with that he is immediately enrolled to schools that Kun owns (he had attended high school which when he met his now best friend)

he is a shy bub and at that time, he was already somehow a member of NCT (all rookies in NCT will definitely end up as a NCT member, and as usual all NCT members will gain huge attention in schools)

everyone was gossiping about a cute guy that looked like an otter joining the school and stuff and so Shotaro was being seen in the hallways (all girls adore him tbh, he is the only member who looks endearing - even when he doesn't smile)

Shotaro was so committed to school that he joined a club which was the basketball club ! (honestly the basketball club was shook and excited that they have a NCT member and all of them were nice and supportive guys which were rare to find)

and the cheerleaders room and basketball room is just 2 doors away from each other - guess who met one of the well-known cheerleader, yes our otter cheerleader

so what had happened was Shotaro and the boys were leaving to grab drinks and coincidentally, the door of the cheerleaders' room opens abruptly with one of the members exiting the room with her phone on her hand (and guess WHO accidentally bumped into her, yes Shotaro)

followed by hearing deep gasps and the sound of a phone crashing down on the floor, silence decided to cover the area and the first one to move is Shotaro to gather the broken phone while apologizing to her numerously (and what made Shotaro widen his eyes was hearing her answer which was "it's okay, well, at least i get to avoid my annoying older brother. don't worry the damage will be on me though")

and with that, she left quickly and the boys started started to ask Shotaro if he was okay or did she just threaten him and ofc Shotaro was confused on who they were talking about (then Shotaro was being told that she was actually NCT Johnny's adopted younger sister and they kind of had a fall out and stuff - there were rumors about her that she was being adopted and it was sad she had to find out by the rumors itself)

her face and her impression kind of stuck onto his mind that Shotaro couldn't help but steal glances towards her whenever he saw her in the hallway or during lunch (basically a tsundere to him)

according to Shotaro's point of view, she would always be seen with her own clique, in the middle of the girls who were gossiping while she was on the phone looking unbothered at the same time answering her friends (and somehow they both caught each other's eyes that Shotaro froze and as for her, she slight smiled at him before looking away *cue Shotaro panicking and feeling butterflies on his stomach*)

the next moment they met was at Taeil's party and as usual everyone was invited, which includes Shotaro - and when he arrived, guess who saw the girl looking grumpy as she followed her tall older brother? Shotaro of course (she doesn't look impressed at all as she follows her older brother as he was talking to his own friends - and at one time she slips off as she wander around)

and while Shotaro wanders to find the Dream members and her walking off making small talks with Dream members' partners, they again bumped into each other but this time she was about to fall by her back and Shotaro who has fast reflex caught her by her sides (that's when they had a FACE TO FACE eye contact and not wanting the situation to be an awkward one, she started the conversation first which lead them to exchange numbers)

which just an exchange of phone numbers, both of them became close which means they kind of know each others' habits and because she trusted Shotaro, she even told him her secrets - well not a secret since everyone found out from a rumor (Shotaro remembered that she called him in the middle of the night, as she was crying and being the gentleman he is, he came to her and they just sat on the stairs right outside of Dream's residence)

their friendship kind of grew from there till they graduate and attending the same college as the other Dream members (and of course they are accepted in the Dream clique since they know each other through the other members)

and Shotaro is slowly falling for her and everyone knows that especially the members - with how he looks at her and how he just communicates with her, he thinks he knows everything about her but there is just one secret he didn't know about her which will one day save Shotaro's life (will be revealed in her own profile)

JUNG SUNGCHAN

POSITION ― Rookie Sniper

RELATIONSHIP STATUS ― Complicated [childhood friends to lovers]

IMPORTANT SIBLING(S)/RELATIVE(S) ―

IMPORTANT FRIEND ―

CURRENT LOCATION & DESTINATION ― KOREA

another A star rookie that picked by the 3 leaders

kind of opposite with Shotaro tbh

he doesn't look like an angel and he isn't an angel due to his tragic past

though he was chosen because of his skills and abilities which is a sniper, Taeyong actually found him walking mindlessly on the street

was it a coincidence? well kind of. Taeyong was actually on his way to personally kill his parents for what they did to innocent people and seeing their son walking mindlessly with blood stains on his clothes, kind of coincidence isn't it?

so Taeyong kind of took him and that's when the mafia leader knew the kid somehow just found out the truth on what his parents did and he was ashamed tbh (ofc who wouldn't be ashamed finding out your parents kidnapped children, trained them to become weapons and somehow tortured them in the middle)

and that was like 5 years ago and a year passed, Sungchan lives in NCT Dream's residence at the same time attending high school along with the other Dream members

and one fine day, his class was introduced to a new classmate and Sungchan's eyes widened as soon as he recognized that stone-cold face and his classmates were definitely a positive kind of bunch as they excitedly say their 'hi's and hello's with excitement (Sungchan was the only one who didn't say his 'hi's and 'hello's, he was froze on his seat realizing that girl is his long-time childhood friend)

one thing that Sungchan loves about his childhood which he would always hold onto that whenever someone ask him regarding his childhood was actually play-dates with his childhood friend (whom is a younger sister to Taeil's wife and to Got7's leader, Lim Jaebeom)

his parents were somehow friends with hers and that's how the play-dates started, hence they attended the same middle school (both of them were the innocent ones when it comes to their parents' works but she was smart to find out things since her parents' were assassins)

and with Sungchan escaping from his house after sneaking and hearing their conversation, and he got caught by his parents' men in result of Sungchan getting physical by stabbing them, hence he out of nowhere cut off contact with his childhood friend

Sungchan knew she still recognize him after seeing her face grew more cold, after making a 2 second eye contact as she turned away to find her seat and through-out the day, she didn't even approach him instead she just walked passed him - and that went on for a month

until he decided to approach and let's just say it didn't go well in the middle - with him grabbing her arm since she just ignore him and them basically yelling at each other but what made Sungchan stop on the 'yelling competition' is seeing her tears finally falling and in result of Sungchan crying too after hearing her confessing what she felt for the passed few years without him

and so 2 childhood friends were reunited and one fine day as they were enjoying lunch in school, all hell break loose after hearing non-stop gunshots then seeing a notorious faces of syndicates that Sungchan knew (and strangely before Sungchan decided to make his move, his childhood friend was fast enough to hold onto his hand as they make a run for it)

they were smart to realize that those men were actually after Sungchan and Sungchan couldn't even process everything that day as he only remembered arriving to NCT's residence with all of the members basically running around (basically 127 and WAYV trying to calm down the panicked Kun at the same time worrying for Sungchan and Dream members worrying for Sungchan and his friend)

a few days later, Sungchan was acting weird towards her - avoiding her at the same time not replying to her texts which made her super annoyed, that one fine Saturday night, there was a loud knocks on Dream's residence door and poor Shotaro opens the door to see her raging and wanting to talk to Sungchan who was busy playing FIFA with Jisung and Chenle on the 2nd level

sweet Shotaro guided her and the atmosphere grew tense after Jisung see Sungchan's friend standing with cold glares towards Sungchan and ofc Jisung had to nudge on Chenle and he had to nudge onto Sungchan (honestly it's comedy peak) and ofc ChenJi had to escape from that suffocating atmosphere

Sungchan knew at that moment he was going to have another 'yelling competition' but instead she just sat beside Sungchan quietly and said "please don't do that, I already lost a few people that I love. you are the last person that I don't want to lose."

and they cried in each other's' arms again after finding out the truth about what happened to her family and Sungchan found out that she knew what had happened to him back then (and so much more that Sungchan wanted her to join NCT but she can't because of Taeyong agreeing with Jaebeom on business related stuff and weirdly about her too)

so from that moment onwards till college, there were no secrets between her and Sungchan and they continue to become that type of bestfriends with Sungchan asking her to come to parties or events that the members could invite someone and she would constantly had to remind him that his older sister is married to the oldest member in NCT and of course she has to come

but there was something that Sungchan couldn't tell her face to face and he had no choice to make it as a secret - and that would be confessing to her about his feelings (which was liking her ever since they were in middle school and falling in love with her in the present time)

[ MASTERLIST ]

[ N-DREAM'S SOULMATES ]

[ N-127 MOODBOARDS ] - [ 127'S SOULMATES ]

[ N-WAYV MOODBOARDS ] - [ N-WAYV's SOULMATES ]

[one-abuse-survivor]

before i start, thank you so much for doing what you do;this blog has given me good advice countless times and i really have to thank you for that.

my issues with my parents are that they don't take me seriously. i can literally go up to them and say: "mom/dad, i think i might be autistic or have ADHD (both would be quite likely) can i get that checked out" and list a bunch of examples why i think that and they'll just be "nah, that can't be, you don't seem like that at all" as of i didn't break my mind over it researching it and talking to people who have it to see if we've had similar experiences just to get some kind of reference as to why i feel the way i feel and why i struggle so much with things that so many other people find so easy.

but then, in the following weeks and months (after talking w them) they just randomly point out things about me that kinda annoy them, like me talking out of turn a LOT or me not looking at people or me having trouble focusing if there isn't also music and a movie going at the same time or mom saying that i seem hyperactive to her because i'm always moving my legs or pacing around or rubbing my hands or drumming on the table with pens. things like that (plus a lot more) were the exact things i was telling them about and they just put it off like it's nothing but as soon as it affects and annoys them it's suddenly very real. at this point i'm struggling to talk to my parents about anything even remotely more serious than generic smalltalk and i'm having a hard time believing myself that my struggles are in fact real and i'm not just making them up.

and also on a less related note; the thing i hate most about my parents: if i'm wearing headphones and couldn't understand what a parent was yelling from somewhere else in the house then it's my fault. but if it's the exact same situation but i'm the one calling and they couldn't hear me, then it's obviously my fault too (i kinda get the first one but srsly how could i not wear headphones when they're constantly arguing with my brother in the room next to mine) (either way if one of the scenarios is clearly my fault, then the other shld be clearly their fault bc that's how logic works)

hhhh, this got quite long. i would love to hear your thoughts about this

a continuation from the other ask about my parents not taking me seriously even when i ask them for help with my hardest problems. that ask didn't really go in the direction i had planned but there is so much going on between my parents and me that i really need to talk to someone about

background: i'm around 15-16 rn and have a brother who's 18. primary school was academically very easy for me (lots and lots of great and even perfect grades) but my brother didn't have it as easy (lots and lots of mediocre and meh grades) so my parents really just kinda let me do my thing while they were constantly busy with my brother. so i got really independant and did all of my stuff on my own bc a) i always had done it that way and b) my parents were already busy and stressed. but after my brother got his first computer and got into video games his grades dropped and my parents started constantly arguing with him and taking away his computer and stuff like that so there was always a lot of tension (and i got to a point where i can't handle people yelling; that's what i was referring to with the headphone thingy at the end of the last ask) i don't know if i can go that far and say that my parents kinda neglected me and my emotional needs in favour of saving my brother grades but that's pretty much the way it feels.

i'm now a sophomore (school works a bit different here but i'm the equivalent of a highschool sophomore afaik, here it's just 10th grade) and starting from about mid 8th grade (end of 2018) i've been struggling a lot with self care and upkeep of my already minimal social circle and academic stuff (i'm at the academically highest level of school you could be at my age without skipping any years) and also mental health.

i got quite depressive and started isolating myself and casting away friends and my grades went down a lot, which really disappointed me because my great grades were kind of my trademark thing. but i didn't feel safe talking to my parents because of the huge distance that we built by me "never" needing their help with stuff.

in that time (almost a year ago, our anniversary is in twenty days or so) i got a girlfriend and i'm hella glad that i can talk to her about everything but i feel like i can't just go dump trauma and parent issues on her forever

about last november or so i was at a pretty low point and was suicidal and that's kind of when i snapped and went to my parents to talk so being cast away and having my issues invalidated really really hurt then and made me spiral even deeper and my gf was the only thing keeping me afloat.

i'm kind of a bit better now but i have rebuilt my view of my parents from "idk we never really interact" to "trying to interact or talk is not worth the energy" and needless to say i don't like them that much

oh and i forgot about all the times i got panic attacks and sensory overloads @ school because there are so many people there (1700 students + 200 teachers) and it's loud everywhere and of course asking my parents for what to do if suddenly everything is too bright and too loud and you can't move or talk because of it didn't get me anywhere (and since i didn't know what it was called or how to describe it properly, i didn't really find any Information online either

and just typing this makes me think of so many more things that they did that aren't okay things to do (a lot of gender identity stuff for example because i'm also neck-deep in that) . but writing this has also helped a lot right now. thank you for being there and listening.

and just in case i'm ever gonna pop back in to say something i'm gonna drop a name for easier identifying

sincerely - 🌌 milky way anon

Hi, nonnie! Thanks for the kind words, I'm really glad my blog has been of help ❤️

I'm sorry your parents are making it hard to believe your struggles are real :( you deserve to be taken seriously and to get access to all the help you might need. Just the fact your symptoms are there and you're noticing them and they're interfering with your daily life is enough to get them checked, regardless of if you need a diagnosis/meds/anything else. No one deserves to live wondering if their struggles are worth discussing with a doctor or professional.

And you're right: if one of those things was your fault, then the other should be theirs, logically. But I don't even think it's "your fault" you didn't hear them because you were wearing headphones, to be honest. I think it's just something that happens from time to time and that doesn't warrant getting mad over; I think it's the kind of thing that simply needs to be talked about so everyone in the household knows how to communicate with everyone else without getting frustrated. It's as easy as saying "hey, whenever I put on headphones I'll just text the family group chat to let you guys know I won't hear you. If you need anything in those moments, just text me instead". I do this with my girlfriend sometimes—if we're wearing headphones and we're in the same room, we simply pat each other when we need something and wait until the other takes off their headphones to talk. It really doesn't have to be an issue where anyone is to blame. You're allowed to take steps to feel safe and comfortable in your house without getting punished for it.

But, of course, this doesn't work if the people around you choose to prioritise "being right" and proving you're wrong over a peaceful and healthy cohabitation, which is what most toxic and abusive people do.

As for your second ask, I would say if it feels like your parents neglected you and your needs because they were always focusing on your brother, then it's okay to say that they did. The fact alone that those feelings are there makes you deserving of talking about it and wanting to heal from it; the cause of those feelings doesn't have to be something major, or sound deeply traumatising when you say it out loud, in order to "count". And people whose emotional needs were consistently met don't feel like they weren't.

I've already shared this video before, but if you want some resources on identifying and healing from emotional neglect, I really recommend watching it. Please bear in mind, though, that the video says it's important to not blame parents for emotionally neglecting you, but I don't think that's the message a lot of people need to hear and I think you should allow yourself to feel angry at your parents for not meeting your needs and causing you trauma. That's pretty much the only thing I'd criticise about the video.

I'm sorry to hear you've been struggling with your grades and mental health lately, nonnie. I had a quite similar experience when I was in high school—I used to always get great grades, but my mental health and trauma put a lot of strain on them (as well as on my social life; I lost a lot of friends in those years) and it was really distressing to see the only thing that made me "worthy" crumble between my fingers like that. I'm still trying to unlearn this idea that your grades define your worth, and it's been really hard.

I'm so sorry your parents weren't there for you when you hit that low 😔 I'm glad your girlfriend could help you stay afloat in that moment, but they absolutely should've been there for you all those times you reached out to them for help with your struggles, and the fact that they didn't is emotionally neglectful of them.

I'm glad you're in a better place now ❤️ I really hope you can find out all the information you need on gender identity and sensory overload and any other issues that might be affecting you. Know that you deserve for your parents to be there for you. You shouldn't have to face any of this on your own, or even with only the support of other people your age. You deserve for them to care. You deserve to have your symptoms checked out. You deserve adult guidance to find resources to help you better understand and manage your struggles.

Sending all my virtual support your way ❤️ and happy belated anniversary to you and your girlfriend!

[nighttimepixels]

Just wanted to let you know that... I'm trying to learn the little sign language, at least a little bit with your comic. It's always been a language I wanted to learn, both ASL and my native language, in fact. Say, why snd how did you learn this language ? If it's okay for you to respond, of course, I don't want to urge you or step in a line I didn't know was there

Oh, that’s awesome-!! I’m so honored you liked it ;v;

To answer your question - I’m not fluent in ASL, not at all! But I’ve picked up bits and pieces over the years for a lot of reasons. Some of it was media I enjoyed, more came from having a few friends that were struggling with selective mutism and wanting to be there for them even with a few signs, and more yet was just… personal interest!

I’ve learned everything I know of ASL online, but I of course rec joining a class or even just community group if you have access!

There are several wonderful sign dictionaries out there - with videos, picture sequences, and GIFs of the signs in action - and that’s a great place to start just picking up a few that are most important. Also… videos on Youtube, allllll the way. The great thing about ASL too is that even if your sign vocabulary is still small, if you learn your sign alphabet, then you can make tough spots work by spelling out words - and asking for the official sign by spelling the word out!

The thing to remember about ASL too is that… it isn’t just a ‘modifier’ to English.

There’s a lot of ease and benefits to the obvious crossover, but… there’s culture, there’s tics, heck, there’s different grammar rules! A lot of ‘extra fluff’ is left out of ASL because it’s absurd to leave it in, it’s not needed, and it’s just not part of the language for good reason, and more importantly, without detriment.

For example- in Part Two of the comic, I show Brick signing along to the dialogue as in-fic, “seems like I…. made an impression.” Now, in spoken English, we can envision the tone used, and so on, really easily, right? And the signs translated to that sentence. However… the actual signs used strictly translate to:

seem

I

impression.

A big reason why I chose those, in that order, is because part of Brick’s story is that he isn’t yet fluent in ASL - he’s still learning, and is actively searching for words & their corresponding signs! I get the feeling he’s ‘thinking’ in spoken English, and is translating in sign as best he can. (but idk, @popatochisssp is obviously the best one to ask on that front, I’m just interpreting and checked a few details with her as I was working on it X) )

I considered adding the sign for “big” in there before impression, but for space & dialogue translation reasons I ended up leaving it out - even though, tonally, that might well be what someone signing would choose to get across the same impression - or just emphasize ‘big’ using their body language!

That’s one of the things I love most about ASL- that it is just as expressive as a vocal language, despite what it seems like a lot of people think. Maybe it’s bc I’m an artist & animator, but the use of the body beyond just the ‘hand motions’ is just as important… and relays a lot about personality, just like someone’s voice and basic, more simplified body language might.

(On top of this, consider ASL’s different grammatical structure - you can read more here, it’s really cool - but basically, commonly you’ll see Subject-Verb-Object or Subject-Verb order; and if time is involved, then you might see something like “WEEK-PAST I WASH MY CAR” or, depending on the user’s vernacular, they’ll favor the subject-first style, and sign “MY CAR WEEK-PAST I WASH”. Point is, there’s variation just as in spoken language, and reasons behind those choices!)

.. okay I’ve rambled too long XD

Basically, I myself started learning bc I was interested for several reasons, both personal and bc I’m a nerd who happened across ASL content online (a couple bloggers, a few stories). I recommend just keeping it in your personal orbit as much as possible if you’re interested in learning! Read comics with sign, check out shows/movies with characters who sign, and definitely check out bloggers/youtubers who sign (and I always rec people who are HoH/deaf and/or mute most of all!)

TL;DR, if you get nothing else outta this post but are curious about Sign Language here’s some video-based Signing Content to get you interested/follow!

Things Not to Say to a Deaf Person (feat lots of BSL - British Sign Language - actually! But it applies across the board and is cool to see signing folk bust some bs)

I Can’t Hear Myself Speak! [CC] by Jessica Kellgren-Fozard, who is a lovely disability advocate & queer lady who is also Deaf/HoH! She talks about how she can’t hear herself speak in this video, and the varied ways deafness/being HoH can be manifested, and a bunch of other related things. (Link includes the playlist she has for her videos on Deafness - she signs in BSL, so don’t worry if you know only bits of ASL and don’t cotton on to her signing!)

ASL time - Top 10 Basic ASL Phrases for Beginners by Nyle DiMarco! You might’ve seen him around - he’s that super nice deaf model who went viral in the past few years on a few videos! He’s got a short series about basic ASL (and him being cheeky) that’s actually a big fave of mine bc he phrases it like a conversation, not just disjointed phrases.

How I Learned Sign Language From My Deaf Boyfriend by Sign Duo! Honestly, their whole channel is great. Tons of vlogs, they both sign the whole time of course - and they’re just really relatable, they feel like conversations - plus they’re both just really likeable. I strongly recommend any content that actually features two+ people fluently signing, but these two are great and informative. Also, I recommend their video My Deaf Boyfriend: Why He Doesn’t Use His Voiceif you want to know more about that cultural choice/inclination. Remember to turn on closed captioning if you aren’t fluent in ASL! :)

How Do Deaf People Experience Music? an interview featuring Shaheem Sanchez, a stellar deaf dancer and actor. Like I said earlier, I really really recommend learning about Deaf/Signing culture alongside the signs themselves. The context is incredible, and honestly, broadening your understanding of any marginalized group by learning their stories as told by them is a good thing in my opinion.

Dos and Don'ts of Interacting with the Deaf Community [CC]by The Essential Sign. Again, turn on CC if you’re not fluent in sign - her videos are great! This one’s a great cultural one for those new to signing/who want to learn about deaf culture. She busts some common misunderstandings and shows some course corrected alternatives that are actually positive, and encourages you how to move forward without stumbling over insensitive landmines! Similarly I super recommend her video What is Concentration Fatigue? (with RIKKI POYNTER) [CC]which talks about something you don’t see mentioned as often, I think - precisely what’s on the tin.

… aaand I’ll leave it there for now, I think those are good starting points and a variety of styles! Deaf/ASL-fluent vloggers are a great resource and way to, even if you’re isolated/don’t have a practice community, get regular exposure to sign as well as actual first-hand (heh) accounts from people who sign in their everyday life!

[hes-writer]

I'm the anon who wrote about the reality-AU ask.

And I have a different view from what you wrote, because for me there where 2 major things:

1. Reader wasn't a strong woman

2. Harry was definitely an arrogant, selfish prick to reader.

I will start with 1.

So, what moral and values? I honestly don't understand that part because for me moral and values mean one thing and I don't see they fitting the situation.

Regardless, MC wasn't a strong woman for several reasons.

She allowed her pain get in the way of her child's life several times, she literally got with the first guy that showed her love when she wasn't ready nor emotionally stable, if we take in mind that she met him at halfway through her pregnancy and in 2 years ish she was already living with him and allowing her child to call him "dad". So she clinged to Connor as a substitute and staple to the family she had planned having with Harry, just like Harry clinged to Camille's offer as a way to have what he dreamed having with Y/N. None of them put their child's best interest first, otherwise she would have found a way to deal with her pain while allowing him to be part of Halo's life and he would have found a way to accept that he would never have what he wanted bc of his mistakes in the past.

And the clearest sign of that is her conversation with Harry in the last chapter. She did love Connor, but he was only there because Harry blocked her. If he hadn't, he'd have seen the text and be involved in his kids life. So, I know you said something about being emotionally available as a parent and that's my argument for that. Harry wasn't emotionally a dad bc that chance was taken from him out of spitefulness and he still tried to be there, he made a mistake but he never gave up. He was robbed of it countless times bc MC was never healed properly to let go of her personal feelings and focus on Halo, bc I can guarantee you that if given the chance, Halo would forget it and choose to have a relationship with Harry.

Which brings me to my previous point... He wasn't Halos dad, MC made him her dad because she didn't want to deal with Harry when she knew that he had a right to at least be informed about the baby, regardless of her relationship with him. In the story you make it known that he blocked her and that's how she couldn't tell him, but she kept in touch with his family + he contacted her at some point. So, she uses her own actions against him and he let's her out of guilty, showing a bit of manipulation from her side. Both of them were toxic and manipulative. Just bc you were hurt, doesn't give you a right to act as you please, speacially when a child is involved. That shouldn't even be put to argument and I'd have agreed with you more if you hadn't tried to classify MC as a victim at all costs, even when she was the wrong one.

If this was real life, a girl behaving like her would be concerning, so why in a fanfic she's considered strong? Because she standed up for herself and for her daughter? I mean, did she truly stand up for her child? Can we truly say that? Or did she allow her own barriers and insecurities surround them and keep Harry distant? Wouldn't a healed and strong woman be capable of dealing with her ex for their's daughter sake, speacially when she's in a happy and healthy relationship?

Parents are allowed mistakes. None of them know what they're doing and the greatest majority of the world is filled with people who weren't mature enough to be parents, yet somehow were allowed to.

She was unfair and subconsciously used her child to get back at Harry for all the pain he caused her.

He left her, so she didn't tell him about their baby, then when he found out she monopolised his entire relationship with his daughter and did some pretty illegal stuff, and when he committed his first mistake with the child she cut him off completely without taking in account what her daughter wanted.

Have you watched the show The Duchess on Netflix? I think its a great example of my point here, in case you don't understand it.

Also, forgot to say that she was toxic again when she kept threatening him over wanting to be with his kid. Like, we spend tons of times telling people to be responsible with their art, as it can be a door into introducing kids to things. We also spend a ton of time telling boys that they should care about their babies and be there for them. Then you come and write a fic where the guy gets threatened and manipulated when trying to be with his 🤷🏻‍♀️

MC definitely had her right to commit her own mistakes, as I said, parents will do it countless times. But I think that's a bit unfair that she gets as many as she wants bc she got hurt previous to baby being born, yet Harry barely gets one when trying to figure himself out after finding out about his kid. You mentioned that a judge would never give Harry any custody bc of what he did and that was a bit dumb, sorry. Law is based on justice, balance and protecting the victim with fairness and justice, therefore Harry would have been granted at least the benefit of the doubt as his mistakes were minor and the victim in this story is Halo, not MC✌🏽

This is a long one.

Morals and values are not fitting in the situation.

Morals are personal beliefs that a person upholds and values are something that are regarded as important. I think that everybody uses them in most of the things they do so they definitely fit the situation.

She literally got with the first guy that showed her love...

I wouldn’t say that MC clung unto Connor and got into a relationship with him right away. The first couple of instances—they were just friends and weren’t officially together until Reign.

None of them put their child’s best interest first // Reader wasn’t a strong woman

I agree that both parties didn’t act on the best interest of their child but that doesn’t necessarily mean that MC wasn’t a strong woman. Sure, she wasn’t ideal in the context of being a mother—but she mended herself enough to give Harry a chance when he found out, even setting up limits while she was at it.

Wouldn’t you think that that takes courage? Besides the preceding fact that it is courteous to tell someone that you’re having their baby (no argument there), especially to someone who has cheated and betrayed your trust, you are sweeping the pain away. MC was letting Harry back in even if she personally didn’t want to. Harry was a huge part of her life so I think reminiscing on their relationship would never cease; they have a kid together. All the good and bad of their time together will always be present in her mind.

Harry was robbed [of being a dad]

You think that Harry was robbed of being a Dad, I can’t convince you otherwise. You said it yourself though, ‘if Harry hadn’t blocked MC, he would’ve seen the text and he would’ve been a dad to Halo’.

But he did—and the following points of your argument are, in a sense, irrelevant because what you’re pointing out is what could’ve happened if Harry didn’t do what he did. These are the consequences of his actions. “He blearily remembered bitterly blocking her number just as she texted “I need to tell you something,” <- That scene was the turning point of MC’s decision and frankly, a showcase of Harry’s immaturity. MC said she had something to tell him and he retaliated by blocking her.

As well, you mention, ‘if given the chance, Halo would forget about it’—there’s a lot of assumptions in your argument because these aren’t part of the original story. These are what you think should’ve happened.

He blocked her [...] but she kept in touch with his family

MC kept in touch with his family on the pretext that they wouldn't inform harry that the baby was his. This was because of a misunderstanding due to a post on Camille's IG page. H seemed happy with his new relationship. MC didn't NOT tell him out of SPITE—it was because she didn't want to ruin his relationship with Camille.

Harry contacted her at some point // Just because you’re hurt doesn’t give you the right to act as you please

Yes, Harry did contact her—to call her a ‘whore’ and stated that she ‘probably slept around’ during their relationship. [ie. Harry: Why not? Scared that y’gonna have to admit that everything you put on was an act? How can y’move on so fast and give me shit about it?”] I’m guessing that’s probably not the best way for H to ask about MC’s pregnancy and I can imagine that the sheer rudeness and projection will deter most people.

His dialogues were an attack on her personality (that she was a liar and disloyal), on the validity of her emotions (that she was faking them), and on her identity as woman solely because he was crumbling under the truth that he was the one who messed up. I mentioned before that Harry’s insults were a projection as a result of his defence mechanism. Meaning that he was—to some extent—aware that MC hadn’t cheated but convinced himself otherwise to feel less guilty. Therefore, at the end of Halo, he judged the credibility of their child.

If this was real life...

And this is a fanfiction.

Once again, MC might not have been the ideal representation of a strong woman, but she stepped up when Halo was introduced.

Imagine going through a break-up with your SO of two years while you’re pregnant because he went behind your back FOR A YEAR, amidst hormonal changes, still going to work, and trying to find yourself when someone has taken so much of you—that’s traumatizing. Healing isn’t linear. Just because you’re wounded doesn’t mean that you’re not strong.

She was unfair and subconsciously used her child to get back at Harry

MC was honest but she wasn’t truthful. Her intentions were human nature yet keeping Halo away from Harry wasn’t very truthful of her—in legalities and such.

I don’t think MC monopolized H/H’s relationship. She gave Harry a chance to bond with Halo, and they did. As mentioned, MC had set limits and boundaries when discussing Harry’s presence in their daughters’ life. It was a legally binding, word-of-mouth, agreement that Harry assented to.

[he was] threatened and manipulated

In that sense, Harry’s hostility towards MC in Reign was threatening her decision to have him around [ie. You’re not something I would take the time to handle,” // You’re a goddamn mistake is what you are,’]

I understand your concern and I apologize for that. I’m not explicitly saying that this one piece of fiction is satirical in the sense that it’s the opposite of what society chants because that would be vile of me to do. Every circumstance is different though—it really is a choice of preference, validation and weighing out the subject matter.

You mentioned that a ‘judge would never give Harry custody’ and that was a bit dumb...

That line was never part of the story.

"Take it up legally if you'd like. Want to have a custody battle? Bring it on. Let's see whose side the judge is on after they find out that you cheated on me while I was pregnant with Halo."

Suggesting that the conclusion can be one of shared-custody wherein MC has more time with Halo (80/20 visitation schedule).

[in-tua-deep]

My dude, my buddy, my guy, my gal, my pal. Please yeet more of this daemon AU at me, I'm super interested in this whole idea and would love to hear more, how do all of the daemons interact with each other?? What are the little quirks shared between daemon and human?? Did any of them have a phase where they couldn't stand their daemon?? Did Vanya's owl claw out Leonard's eyes when the truth came out?? How exactly would they find out that Five's daemon didn't settle?? I'm living for this AU now

oh i am SO ready for more daemon au are you kidding here we go starting with some NAMES because all good ocs need names and while the first post was mainly for just saying what animal is what now i can develop it into a full au and no one can stop me

So the kids and their daemons share a name for most of their lives, they’re both just,, one or two and so on. But when they get names they run into the roadblock of “do our daemons get the same names as us??” and realize that their one (1) example of a human/daemon relationship is their dad he his daemon doesn’t share his name so… probably not. But he only ordered Grace to give the human in the relationship a name so it’s up to their what their daemons names will be

I’m thinking Luther probably gave his daemon a space themed name because he’s my good space boy so I’m going to name his daemon Andromeda after the galaxy !! I think she would have wanted a somewhat regal sounding name because she tries really hard to model herself after Reggie’s daemon, who is the very definition of regal. Luther calls her Dromeda or Drom for short occasionally

Diego’s daemon HMMM i’m gonna say Valencia, Val for short because that means brave and I think it would be important to Diego to have a defender of some kind and they both would want so desperately to be brave bless their hearts

oh man i am absolutely naming Allison’s daemon Amraphel which means “one that speaks of secrets” and Allison calls him Raph for short and he’s still lazy and I still love him a whole lot

Klaus’s daemon i’m admittedly a bit stuck on but i’m gonna call them Rowan because it’s a tree that symbolizes life and courage and as some very fearful kids with death powers I think they’d appreciate it. Rowan is nonbinary btw (”are you a girl or a boy” “i’m made of fucking dust why does it matter”)

I named Five’s daemon Pancha because I like it and I feel like naming her Quinque, which is Five in Latin, would be way obvious because if you think Reggie didn’t make these kids learn an archaic dead language because he’s a pretentious ass then you’re probably wrong so yes Pancha it is and when the kids figure out it’s literally the number five in another language they’re going to throw a fit

Ben’s daemon is named Tamaya which means in the center literally just because they’re in the middle of two planes of existence and one is full of monsters and also because i like the name Tama as well so this is really two birds with one stone and no one can stop me

and finally Vanya’s daemon is named Pollux for exactly no reason other than because I say so and it sounds like it could be a name for a daemons from the books which i was trying very hard for the aesthetic with all the names but it’s been so long since i’ve read them oops

ALRIGHT with that over with i can actually yell about them which i’m putting under the cut because this is going to be long as FUCK

so how the daemons interact with each other… I’m probably going to leave out Tamaya for most just bc most of them don’t know that she survived Ben’s death for like,, a really long time in the fic i have half planned in my head

SO i already mentioned Andromeda is kind of a stick in the mud and unimpressed with her siblings shenanigans. She tries really hard to emulate their dad/their dad’s daemon but doesn’t have the control on her temper that she should. She’s blunt and says what she’s thinking, she doesn’t really care about the fact that daemons don’t usually speak to people that aren’t their own and she’ll boss everyone around given the chance tbh

She doesn’t get along with Val at all and there’s a lot of posturing between the two especially after they both settle. Generally she’s dismissive but occasionally she taunts Val with the fact that she settled as something that protects against wolves, and that clearly Val is too wild to ever amount to much. Val hits right back calling her and Luther “Dad’s obedient little dogs” and just generally when you have Luther and Diego going at one another Drom and Val are only half a step behind them

She gets along well with Raph and often carries him around when Allison calls him lazy and refuses to do it. Despite that thought Raph is like,, super muscular and strong and he’s a bigass snake, Drom used to carry him into position during missions and let’s just say they were a solid interrogation team with Drom’s teeth and Raph literally squeezing information out of people when necessary (though he can always rumor people just like Allison, he’s not fond of doing it and calls it cheating because he’s a contrary bastard). He tends to help immobilizing people and their daemons and is used as a restraint a lot until their people with thumbs can come along with rope or something

Andromeda and Rowan do NOT get along, mainly because Rowan is pretty vocal about the fact that their dad fucked them up and has no respect. Some of it also comes from the fact that Andromeda is a little jealous of Rowan’s grace as a cat because their dad’s fox daemon is exceptionally graceful and regal. But generally Andromeda ignores Rowan or growls at him, she’s never physically laid a paw on him outside of sparring until that scene with drunk and depressed Luther though

Andromeda,, also doesn’t really get along with Pancha either. It has a lot to do with the fact that as kids Pancha was constantly shifting where Drom would keep a form and stick to it. She would often tell Pancha that one day she’d settle well lmao jokes on her. Pancha used to frequently insults Drom’s intelligence and has called her a “dumb mutt” before but upon return those insults have been conspicuously absent for ALL the siblings. Five still has a fairly venomous tongue, but Pancha keeps her silence.

Andromeda and Pollux don’t have a relationship, simple as that. She ignores Pollux’s existence, even when the other daemon attempts to interact with her. She basically assumes their father is correct in Vanya’s uselessness and as such doesn’t care all that much about either of them. To be fair Pollux has learned from their childhood and doesn’t interact with Andromeda much either, and even when Vanya attempts to like,, call Luther out Pollux keeps his silence.

Val doesn’t like Andromeda and isn’t afraid to show it, bristling and snarling. Val actually settled first of the two of them (a point of pride), and some part of her is a little hurt that Drom turned into a dog that protects a pack from wolves and took it personally as Luther’s literal soul saying that he didn’t see Diego and her as part of the pack. 

Her and Raph don’t really talk a lot but they have a lot of relatable sibling-eye-contact moments over their family being dumb shits and whenever Andromeda wasn’t available it was Val who would carry Raph so they’re actually closer to one another than their people are. Raph firmly refuses to get between any argument of Drom and Val’s and would 100% rumor them apart when they were all kids because Raph was Sick Of Their Shit™ despite his general distaste for rumoring

Val and Rowan get along pretty well actually, Rowan frequently hops up to ride on her back like they’re the captain of a furry wolf shaped ship and Val allows it even though she thinks they’re a little shit. Rowan used to hide behind Val from Reggie and his daemon and Val might still have a lot of protective pack instincts that she showers on them because they allow it. Val may or may not be 90% of the reason that Diego just sighs and lets Klaus tag along whenever, though Diego and Val often disagree on how to handle the Klaus/Rowan situation since Val wants to kidnap them both and keep them safe in their boiler room while Diego is of the firm belief that Klaus is a big boy now and they aren’t responsible for him. 

Val thought Pancha was a mischievous little shit when they were kids as the other daemon would frequently jump wherever she pleased. Val isn’t surprised when Pancha “settles” as a hare since they’re associated with tricksters and are more solitary and independent and tougher than their rabbit counterparts. She’s super worried about Pancha when she arrived back with Five though, since the other daemon is far more withdrawn and look daemons are representations of someone’s soul they can’t lie - Five can put on a tough act all he likes but Pancha’s behavior is pretty clearly off and she looks at all of them like she’s seeing ghosts. Val is the one to carry Pancha back after the shrapnel incident, swearing because she knew she should have been suspicious that Five was carrying Pancha when she’d always hated being carried when they were kids

Val doesn’t particularly care for Pollux and is actually mildly uneasy around him. There’s just something… off about the other daemon. It raises Val’s hackles even if she doesn’t know why, and she doesn’t figure it out until after the fact that the reason she was wary of Pollux is literally because on some level she recognized the chains on him via the medication and was repulsed even though it wasn’t Pollux’s fault. She’s trying to be better after the fact with him.

I’m making myself so sad about Pollux right now tbh he deserves so much better than what he’s got but moving on

Raph is honestly the chillest daemon with everyone else’s daemon. No one has beef with Raph. Like, they might have beef with Allison, but not with Raph which might be why Allison and Raph are probably the least in sync out of the siblings with their daemon actually outside of Vanya. Raph loves Andromeda who carries him places and doesn’t mind him winding up on her because she’s warm. 

Raph considers Val to be his bitchface pal and they bond over their people being stupid. Honestly Raph just wants to sleep for the most part. But legit though Allison and Raph need an intervention for them never being on the same page I think Raph might resent Allison leaving to become a star and he’s the one that dislikes using their power and constantly advised against using it so he might, on some level, blame Allison for them losing Claire (and Allison wonders if the stereotype against snake daemons played a role and sort of blames him) and honestly their relationship is a fucking mess

Raph and Rowan are chill, they’re bros, they know what they’re about. Raph thinks Rowan’s sense of humor is fucking hilarious and they’re both sleepy bitches (Rowan is a cat they knows what they’re about regarding catnaps) so they napped together a lot when everyone was under the same roof. They’re at an unspoken truce regarding the drug issue because unlike the rest of the family Raph actually listens when Rowan explains about their power being the fucking worst and having to numb it down after Raph offers to rumor them to get clean. But yeah like Allison and Klaus don’t hang out much but Raph and Rowan are bros.

I said Raph gets along with p much everyone but he’s not super close with Pancha simply because she was constantly on the move and shifting every other minute as kids back when everyone was unsettled like she was constantly itching to get out of her own skin. Like, Pancha’s thing is moving and being quick and honestly Raph is a little surprised she didn’t settle as a bird daemon the way she flits about. Raph being lazy, they didn’t see much of one another but he was always up for a conversation when Pancha calmed down enough or exhausted herself. He likes her, he just thinks she’s exhausting. He’s much more concerned for her after she gets back from the apocalypse though.

Raph and Pollux kind of,, also don’t have a big relationship tbh. There’s just something about Pollux that makes Raph uneasy, but he’s a chill dude and is probably one of the closest to Pollux after Pancha. Sometimes when Raph would be going slithering through the house, Pollux would sit upon his back and chill as they both went to whatever destination. Raph does think it’s a little weird that Pollux doesn’t fly considering he’s, you know, a bird, but he doesn’t press the issue (which he regrets, later). But overall he’s not nearly as interested in mending bridges with Vanya as Allison is since there’s still that something that prevents him from fully liking Pollux. But as the plot progresses he warms up to the idea more and more without realizing that the reason he’s warming is because they stopped taking the drugs hmm

Rowan doesn’t get along with Andromeda but they’re pretty chill with everyone else’s daemons. They get surprisingly protective of their siblings and even though Klaus isn’t great in a fight pre-Vietnam, Rowan isn’t afraid to flash their claws when necessary. The biggest reason they got kidnapped is because Hazel’s daemon didn’t come to the firefight in the manor and they weren’t willing to break the taboo on touching a human when it seemed like the primary objective was to take Klaus not to kill him. They ended up regretting it for the torture scene though oof.

Rowan loves Val a whole lot and likes trying to groom her and they 100% climb up on Val’s back when they feel like being lazy. Rowan is a self proclaimed dog person though they often say that there are always exceptions and eye Andromeda but this comes up again with Dave and his australian cattle dog daemon where, when they meet, Rowan blurts out that they’re a dog person and Dave’s daemon snorts in laughter considering that Klaus’s daemon is literally a cat. He is the personification of ‘cat person’ his soul is a cAT.

I already yelled about Rowan and Raph being nap buds, they like Raph because he’s never judged them and just accepts that they know their powers well enough to know what does and doesn’t work

Rowan and Pancha actually get along weirdly well?? Like, Rowan can be off the walls crazy at times as you know cats get that simply zest for life and just go fucking nuts for a while before going back to sleep?? so Rowan is actually one of the few of the siblings daemons who could keep up with her when they were kids and Pancha was the last of them unsettled. There was a minor freak out where they didn’t see Pancha at first when Five popped out of the portal which prompted the whole “does anyone else see little number five” comment bc ghosts don’t have daemons but then Pancha popped up and Rowan was so fuCKING RELIEVED and continuously prodded at Klaus to follow either Diego or Five because they want to hang out with Val and Pancha

The only one of the siblings daemons who knows that Tamaya is still alive. She doesn’t speak almost at all, only rarely talking to Klaus but she talks a little more to Rowan. Tamaya is usually curled up in Klaus’s pockets or general clothing but there have been a few occasions where she rides on Rowan’s shoulders or goes off on her own for a little while (those are the occasions where Ben’s ghost also goes off for a little while, neither Klaus nor Rowan question where they go). Tamaya also occasions hides in Klaus’s room instead of accompanying them places. During the kidnapping she nibbles through Klaus’s restraints and allows him to escape a little more easily since no one expects an unaccompanied daemon, haven’t decided yet how this impacts the whole Patch dying situation

Rowan doesn’t really talk to Pollux and Pollux doesn’t talk to them, though Rowan does care about Pollux. Rowan is the most easygoing with Pollux because honestly being high means that they don’t notice Pollux’s strangeness on the same level as the others and will often direct comments towards the owl daemon. Pollux rarely responds, however.

Pancha time!! I love Pancha she’s a ball of nervous energy and can’t sit still half the time. As a kid she was constantly shifting between animals like she would run across a room and be five different animals in the time it took her to get to the other end, just always restless. She and Five kept each other sane in the apocalypse - I haven’t decided whether Dolores exists in this au and if she does would she get a stuffed animal daemon?? Decisions decisions. She’s changed a LOT from the Pancha that the others remember and is noticeably a lot more quiet and standoffish, but also she fades into the background where as a kid she was constantly bursting to the foreground and demanding attention. She looks at them all like they’re ghosts and will flinch when addressed sometimes even by other daemons. The others can sense there’s something just a little bit off about her but attribute that to the trauma (eventually though it comes out that Pancha is still unsettled and that explains it)

Pancha never got along with Andromeda and they butted heads a lot before Pancha left. Pancha’s a smartass daemon alongside her person so would frequently insult Andromeda’s intelligence or go off plan because she thought of something better and would frequently yell for Andromeda to ‘adapt!’ because that was her biggest criticism. Her fluidly changing from one form to another depending on the situation was her calling card for adapting and Andromeda would always growl that one day Pancha would have to settle and Pancha would shrug it off. As adults they still don’t really see eye to eye though Pancha has noticeably softened towards Andromeda. She doesn’t call the other daemon a dumb mutt anymore and in fact doesn’t insult any of the others at all.

Pancha liked irritating Val when they were kids but still got along reasonably well with her. Now that they’re back, Val is noticeably more protective of her family and Pancha is included with that. There are a couple of moments where Val bores holes into Pancha’s head to try and telepathically ask if the hare is okay that Pancha doesn’t respond to. When Five and Pancha are drunk off their asses, Val is the one who carries Pancha even though Luther is carrying Five. She insisted. She also carried Pancha home after the shrapnel injury and curled around her on the bed absolutely FURIOUS that someone dared to hurt her sibling. Pancha says some things while drunk that break Val’s heart, and Pancha never protests the coddling unlike Five. She doesn’t lean into it, but she doesn’t protest it.

Pancha and Raph aren’t close but Pancha likes the other daemon regardless because he never did pry into her business and showed her how to do cool tricks as a snake after he settled and she didn’t. Raph never made comments about her being the last to settle unlike most of the others (even though Ben and Vanya only ever mentioned it kindly).

Pancha and Rowan are bros though Pancha disapproves of Rowan drugging themself to keep the powers at bay and always expresses that they have faith that Rowan will learn to control them one day. Honestly Rowan finds it kind of nice even if Pancha disapproves because at least she disapproves because she 100% believes in them instead of being disapproving for disapproval’s sake. Pancha expresses that even drugged Rowan is one of the most observant of their siblings. Rowan worries about her after she comes back and keeps trying to convince Klaus to go after Five, but Five has a very venomous tongue and Klaus is delicate no matter how much Rowan figures it’s just a defense mechanism since Pancha doesn’t echo the sentiments. Rowan is worried about Five as well. Rowan is just worried :(

Pancha is the only one in the family who loves Pollux and actively seeks the other daemon out. She knows something isn’t right, but instead of being repulsed finds herself delighted at the mystery and assumes that the ‘wrongness’ is why Pollux doesn’t fly. Before Pancha jumped to the apocalypse, she kept trying to teach Pollux how to fly by shifting into various birds but it never did stick.

Yeah though Pollux is a daemon that really unnerves other daemons because they can tell something is terribly wrong even if they can’t quite put their finger on what. Pollux and Vanya don’t really communicate either and get second place in the “our human/daemon relationship is super messed up” after Allison and Raph. 

Pollux doesn’t really speak. To anyone. Especially after Five and Pancha vanish. He’s just,, not really all the way there to be honest. He goes where Vanya does but does precious little, often standing as still as a statue on his perch until moved again. Sometimes he’ll interact with other daemons but not usually by speaking - he’s sat on Raph’s back or tugged at Andromeda’s fur to get her attention or silently stood in someone’s way but seriously for the most part he’s somewhat catatonic. 

After they go off the meds he starts perking up again and speaks for the first time in years to Leonard/Harold and his skua daemon. He actually does have a personality, but he’s been suppressed for so long that he’s still figuring himself out alongside Vanya tbh 

As the White Violin his colors switch and instead of being brown with white spots as a spotted owl he becomes white with brown spots. He also is constantly flying while they’re using their powers, flapping and keeping himself aloft roughly above Vanya’s head, half suspended by their own power. As they figure out control, they eventually realize that it’s Pollux who can direct their sound based attacks with his wings and if Vanya tries to go alone it’s uncontrolled like the attack on the trucker dudes without the focus of her violin. They have to work together to control Vanya’s powers, and it’s difficult because they genuinely don’t really have much of a relationship or know each other very well since they’ve been sedated since Vanya was like, four years old

this post is already so so long so i’ll cut it off here probably but yeAH there’s probably a scene where Pollux attacks Leonard/Harold’s daemon and claws her eye out and there’s a translated wound on Leonard because that’s how daemons work and then they both get fucked up by Vanya and Pollux’s powers/knife storm thing

(Pollux isn’t as angry as Vanya is, truthfully. He’s just… tired. He’s so tired. Vanya wants to end the world in her fury. Pollux wants to end it just so everything… stops.)

but yes please keep asking me questions about this au i’m living for it i love these dumb idiots and their daemons

(still need to come up names for the background character daemons, there’s a part of my mind whispering don’t you fucking dare name reginald’s daemon regina soul i swear to fuck so that’s a thing - i’ll also take suggestions for background character daemon names as well!! it was hard enough coming up with these losers)

[vxnevermorevx]

Welcome to my mind

For the last three years, my mind has been... Well, shit. Not that it hadn't been on a steady decline for years prior.

Recently, someone named her Denise. My other me. "Because that's what she is..when something is the opposite of something it's de-. She's not nice, she's De-Nice..."

Denise.

The name give to the me that's not me but spends more time pretending to be me than I do.

*Character Bio*

When I'm not Denise, I'm Ginny and she was the most wonderful person. I miss her dearly.

I had a great childhood. Very few psychological events, in my opinion. We never had much money, but my mom made sure I never knew it. My father worked hard at both his job and destroying his marriage; which is probably one of the marks on my childhood. More to come on that, I'm sure.

I didn't have trouble in school, per se. Bullied only a handful of times in all my school years. My mom is a designer, so I wore things you couldn't find on stores throughout my whole school life. I was *always* ahead of the trend and some kids couldn't handle it. We're talking 1991-2003. So, jumpers, corsets, mesh dusters, pants with fur on the bottom, dressing like anime characters... I was the first of everyone around me to be dressing that way. And I loved it!

But I had my revenge, as my hecklers could be seen wearing the same things they made fun of me for, after it became trendy. I guess you didn't have to be dead to be caught wearing that after all...

I struggled in math and excelled in art and writing. I had mostly good teachers, I think only one hated me.

I met all my best friends there. Can't say I've made all that many more in the years since. But, in my defense I'm surrounded by people who are nothing like me. You see, I grew up in Florida. All my vital youthful years were spent there. And now I live near Portland, Oregon. God, why? I even lost one of my dearest friends to the city. She completely changed from a fun, artistic girl who liked to draw, read, and cook...to...one of them. She's now a guilt vegan ( let's you know how disgusting you are for eating meat ) and is obsessed with shows that need to be cancelled. I had known this girl since first grade, she said she would follow the first friend who loved out of state. That was me, so she came out here too. Our friendship immediately began deteriorating as she would not allow me in my own room during the day, because she was talking to some loser friend of hers online. This person left her in a Walgreen's 20 miles from her home, on the wrong side of town, when we were all barely old enough to drive, because she was taking too long looking at eyeliner. But, she sounds like a solid individual to begin emulating. Are you serious? I watched my fully replacement take effect. 20 years of friendship completely gone in a matter of months. Have you ever watched someone stop carrying about you? Think about it. No, don't think about it. It's awful. She even physically ended our friendship. The first I had ever experienced. It was wrenching. But, I'm too far ahead now. I need to tell you how I got to Oregon.

Somewhere around me being 16, my dad stopped coming home. His mother had recently died and he knew some pretty shitty people willing to help him take the pain away. How does a poor, dyslexic, hoodlum, with a history of abuse cure the blues? Crack, of course. My mom did all she knew how to do, but she was pretty done with it all. They got divorced and some rich old lady "saved" him and whisked him off to Maryland where he would suffer many years of depression for what he had done to his family.

Now, it was just my mother and me. I immediately got a job and gave her my entire paycheck to help keep us in our lovely house. But as fate would have it, the city claimed eminent domain on our house with plans to build a water treatment facility. So, they lowballed us on what our house was worth and gave us 6 months to move. Now, here's some important side information: my mom is an army brat who grew up with mountains her whole life, until moving to Florida for my dad, which was apparently one of the last places she ever wanted to be. And my chummy from another tummy, was born in Oregon and had recently left me to go to OSU. This girl is my sister by all counts but blood. So, with a few other helping factors the logical answer was to start anew. How completely different my life would have been if I stayed. Can't say it would be better, just 100% different from what it is now.

But, in 2005 we moved to Oregon on the promise that we would do all the things we wanted to do and be living in Seattle in a few years.

None of that worked out. I can still remember the first night we spent in our apartment. I hated it. I let everyone know too. I think I cried for a week. I just wanted to go home. My Sisi was too far away to see her more often than the weekends and slowly her grades began to falter. This led to her dropping out and moving back to Florida just five months after I moved out here for her. I fell apart. I had only my mom and I love her, but sometimes you need your friends... You know? We did what we could and took jobs we hated and tried to get used to our new surroundings. I'm apparently a spoiled brat so I'm sure I made things painful for my mom who was finally back in her element and here I was stomping around telling everyone how much I hated it. Hate it. Present tense. I know the whole world is a cess pool of hipster, millennial idiots who all think that they know how to run the world, but the concentration of their free-for-all holier-than-thou ways is as dense here as the trees. It's exhausting listening to people who haven't showered in a week tell you how special they are because they have this heightened awareness that they learned from some Joe Blow and happens to not be fact at all. I have had a 24 year old Hispanic girl tell me that only white people can be racist, everyone else is prejudice. I told her that that in itself was a racist statement. And she said "no it's not. My teacher told me, and she has a PhD." I don't think I need to explain the definition of racism, but I do think Manson could have thrived in this town.

Fast forward quite a few years and we are both still in Oregon working jobs we hate not getting any of the things done we said we would. Are we lazy? Are we depressed? I'm sure it's both.

But, a small miracle comes my way, as I'm getting dressed to go down to the office to sign the next years lease I get a call from a woman who used to work with me. She asks if we are still looking for a new place to live and I tell her yes! We end up renting her townhouse from her because she's getting married. She proves to be a terrible landlord, probably because she's not all that good at being a person. She's really great at other things, but not that. Somme people are like that. But, I also haven't learned how to speak Oregonian in the 14 years I have been here.

A few more years and we end up buying the house and I have changed jobs for my health and things are looking up. I lose some of the weight I had acquired in my sorrows. I even find a guy that I can tolerate. Mostly bc he's 4000 miles away in another country. But, I struggle to find my way in our incredibly mismatched relationship. And he's so smart. So, successful... Here it comes... "what's he doing with a loser like me?"

My friends.... They all have something to show for their lives: degrees, children (Im not interested in these things,) husbands, jobs they don't hate....

I have a mortgage and a ridiculously high HOA, two payed off cars, 50 extra pounds on my ass, a job I'm not particularly built for, and a guy whom I love differently than he loves me.

I'm killing it.... Or myself. One way or the other. "I still haven't figured that shit out yet " -Eddie Murphy

I think this a pretty good place to stop for now. You should have a good amount of reference points for the following posts which will entirely be me, describing my chronic severe depression hoping that someone somewhere might read it and know they are not alone. I feel such a sense of validation when I read something from someone who feels the same as I do. This blog isn't for attention or critiquing, as most will likely be written when things like grammar and story structure aren't focused on. It's purely to get the chaos out so, I can organize it.

I don't know who you are but if you're reading this far, please stay tuned if you want to say "Wow, that's exactly how I feel."

Do good.

[annabcth]

tbh your blog sums up everything that is wrong in the sw fandom. if you didn't like tlj and if you don't get ben solo's character, just shut tf up.

If Rey had been a Skywalker or a Solo and either Luke’s daughter or Han and Leia’s daughter, that would’ve ruined these characters. Kylo Ren/Ben Solo, then again, is a Skywalker, not Poe or Finn. And btw Solo is a good movie, not the best one but good. It’d be amazing if people like you would just delete their blogs bc you make the Star Wars fandom toxic and not fun to be part of.

Kylo has been emotionally and physically abused for his whole life and you’re telling us he’s evil and the bad guy and abuses rey and doesn’t deserve a thing and doesn’t deserve to be in a poster that portrays the skywalkers? Lol your precious Luke Skywalker wouldn’t approve.

i’m replying to those messages for two main reasons. one, i’ve been getting hate about my stance on tlj/rey*o since december, both in my askbox and under my edits, and while i don’t really care about it, i’m torn about not publishing those messages/replies/tags because the rey*o fandom is a riot and i feel guilty about deleting evidence of their harassment. two, this new discourse is actually extremely relevant, so here we are.

since you’re writing this on anon, i assume you know i’m not the problem here, you are. i keep my opinions to my blog, i don’t look for a fight, i always tag properly. i’m not even an active anti. tlj really hurt my star wars obsession, and i needed to vent for a while, which i did, but then i moved on, and my blog is discourse-free once again. i’m assuming those messages were prompted by my tags under a post criticizing the comic-con poster fiasco.

we obviously have different interpretations of tlj, and you’re bothered by mine. i find it very reasonable though, given that ky*o did recreate anakin’s decision from rotj, and then proceeded to almost destroy everything his grandpa’s great redemption accomplished (saving luke and the rebellion). thankfully, he didn’t succeed (yes, luke died, but it was framed as a defeat for ky*o), and the legacy lives on. through whom? well, luke tells us: “the rebellion is reborn today, the war is just beginning, and i will not be the last jedi”. the editing shows us who will carry out this fight for the light side. the movie ends ky*o’s arc with his promise to destroy the new heroes. so yeah, for that reason i think finn and poe belong in that poster right next to rey, since all three were branded as the new rightful heirs. i get that you’re reading the film differently, probably hoping for ky*o’s eventual redemption and a happily ever after with rey, and honestly, there is nothing i can do about your opinion, so i’m not gonna try to. neither of us decides which interpretation is canonically correct. in the end, it’s jj’s choice, which was probably made back when he was creating those characters.

taking all of this into account, i’m hoping you could suppot two men of color who are an important part of the sequel trilogy’s narrative, whether you agree with my opinions about tlj or not. they were given their own storylines and character development, and they’re tied to the main conflict as leaders of the anti-facist movement. they deserve to be recognized as crucial to this story, and they deserve a spot in the comic-con poster.

my ramblings in the tags mean nothing. you sending anon hate means nothing. neither of those things matters in shaping the narrative for episode ix. quarrels over a ship becoming canon don’t influence the final outcome of this trilogy. however, people defending and supporting two characters of color in a predominantly white franchise means a lot, and can change a lot, at least in the long run.

we have our own opinions, and that’s alright. i voiced mine on my blog, in the tags of a random post. you were lurking on my blog, and sent me hate. i’m not the one who’s toxic here. we’re in the same boat, really- you will absolutely hate it if ky*o dies/doesn’t get redeemed, i will hate it if your ship becomes canon. the answer to that anxiety you’re feeling is to find a different thing to fixate on, and let go for the time being. or just keep your opinions to your blog, and don’t harass people by telling them to delete their tumblrs.

to address other things you mentioned in your messages (they’re standard rey*o talking points, so it should be quick):-  there is no canonical proof that ky*o has been abused his whole life. a dark presence watching him as a fetus/baby doesn’t equal grooming or emotional/physical abuse. it’s defenitely what his relationship with snoke is when we meet up with them in tlj, but we have no idea how and when this partnership was formed. that being said, i admit it’s possible that some additional information about kylo’s fall will be revealed, and it could change my opinion about this character. however…- even if kylo was abused, it wouldn’t justify his actions. he kills his alleged abuser in tlj, and continues to be a major ass, so yeah, he’s the bad guy. (to be revealed) cool motive, still murder*. - yes, kylo’s relationship with rey is abusive, both physically (throwing her into a tree, restraining her) and emotionally (invading her mind, telling her she’s nothing, lying to and gaslighting her). they’ve known each other for a couple of days, had five/six conversations in total, and the amount of time she didn’t want him dead could be counted in hours, i think. she asked him to stop killing her friends, he refused. conceptually it’s such an awful groundwork for romance it’s almost funny. she literally closed the door on him, flying away with his mother on his father’s ship, gripping his uncle’s and grandpa’s lightsaber, the literally destroyed heirloom of the skywalker family. leia said to her “we have everything we need”, completing rey’s tlj!arc of realizing that she’s destined to become the new legend despite her humble beginnings, disillusionment, self-doubt and abandonment issues. this is probably the point where you jump in to say the symbolism of the final scene between leia and rey foreshadows rey mending the lightsaber/redeeming ky*o, but i have three problems with that. one, rey already tried that, it didn’t end well. two, i don’t think jj gives two shits about vague symbolism of tlj, given that rian didn’t bother to uphold basic continuity between his movie and tfa. three, it would be incredibly sexist if rey, instead of being the true heir to the chosen one legacy, was used as a tool for redemption of the failed heir that almost destroyed it. this legacy, along with the one of leadership and rebellion, no longer belong to the skywalkers**. luke’s aforementioned quote makes this clear.- i never said kylo doesn’t belong in the comic-con poster. i only said finn and poe should be there as well. if you feel like their presence in the story threatens your predictions for kylo’s arc, then maybe those hopes you have are not well-founded in canon and you need to distort it in order to make your ship seem more plausible. just maybe. also, luke wouldn’t be able to approve or disapprove this opinion of mine that i never had.

and you’re right, luke skywalker is very precious to me.

* there is a great post going around arguing that ky*o’s apparent lack of relateable reasons for turning to the dark side is a great metaphor for neo-facism and current alt-right movements, and it makes him an excellent and very relevant villain. i agree.

** of course, this plotpoint would change if rey/finn turned out to be a solo/skywalker. i have complicated feelings about this concept, and voicing them would make this already long reply even longer, so i’m not gonna do that.